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...my "non-A" husband of 2 years just made a confession.
Last night, he called from work saying that they had a semi roll over on the turnpike whivh is not out of the ordinary...
He just came home at 9am which is not out of the ordinary....
He started throwing up which is not out of the ordinary.....
In case some of you don't know, I am a double-winnerst to give you some insight here.
He just came downstairs and confided that he lied to me last night. He went out drinking with a guy from work and stayed at his house close to a bar where they drank. I would never ever have known this if he hadn't told me.
When we got married, we had discussed at length my alcoholism, and this was not a 'drinking man'. He promised that I would never have to worry about alcohol being in our home, or him drinking. He has drank 3 or 4 beers on 3 occasions in the 2 years we have been together... (that I know of..) Lst night he said he drank MORE than a 12 pack. Said that he is wondering if he has alcohol poisoning... etc... He is full of guilt and remorse, and 'grovelling', as it were.
I did not get 'mad' at him, nor did my demeanor even really change at all. I think I am just in shock. I simply said, "I wish you hadn't lied to me, but I do understand and I forgive you for lying to me." He said, "You are probably laughing at how horrible I feel right now and how sick I am."
I said, "No, I don't think it is funny at all. I have felt that way and it is a horrible feeling. Of course you are sick and depressed right now. Alcohol is a depressant. You will feel better once you get some sleep."
Friends, I don't know if I would label him an alcoholic at this point. More will be revealed, I guess. I have never known him to ever lie to me or be abusive to me or anyone. He is so kind and loving toward people. But as I said, more will be revealed in it's own good time, and I cannot concern myself with the future at this point, as I must stay in today.
I do know that in his early 20's he drank a lot. Never lost a job, got a DUI or went to jail. But that outside stuff doesn't always mean much. One good thing is that with this experience today, I am not at all triggered to drink, myself, in any way, shape or form. I do know, though, that sometimes this stuff takes a while to 'settle in' in my mind.
Just for today, I feel centered and not at all angry, somehow.
hi, You reacted maturely. His messing up is not your problem. Like ya said, we don't know what the future will bring. Odat.
Hey I am the last person who would drink or smoke or anything. Always been that way, not into it, we have no A's in my family plus we all are into gardening and animals and life stuff.
country folk sorta.
Anyway, but get this, I get stressed sometimes and want a cigarette. I don't smoke. Sometimes I think I will just get drunk, i don't drink.
But if I felt like that out of the blue, and my friend was with me and she said hey lets get a couple bottles of good champayne and sit by the river and drink, oh yea I bet i would do it. I would be a sick sick pup in the morn....
There is no figuring out some things so don't try. And you didn't. I say you are working your program girl.
Well, Joni, theoretically we can't label someone an alcholic, they need to confirm or deny this truth for themselves. But even you are concerned about some of the eccentricities in his story. You know, ultimately, we all had to get sick and tired of getting sick and tired before we surrenderd to the reality that what was really going on was that we were creating our own destiny.
I do know our monthly grapevines have always given me insight into others. *shrugs* All of my love.
sucks to see the same remorse, self-pity and self-loathing that I myself have put out there in my day.... REAL good reminder of why it is actually EASIER to just not pick up than to have all that lying and depression and drama and morbidity.
I chose not to be part and parcel to the hangover. It is 'in the air'. The house was so darned quiet I just had to get out and so glad I did. Went to see my dad's horse and just loved on him for awhile.
I know I feel something, but I really cannot say just what it is. I know my spirit is very quiet right now. It is all just a big shock and I hope it just goes away. I am not thinking very much at all (and that is a very good sign)... just kinda feeling my way through the day. Nothing dramatic. Just 'being still'... you know?
Just remember that everyone gets a wild hair every once in a while and do things that they themselves don't have an explanation for. With the way he is feeling, I bet it'll be a while before he does it again..
You may be feeling a bit of something from memories of your previous life. But that was then and you, and this is now and him.
If I could drink and have a blast I'd do it too, but I either get a headache or puke..lol I've come to detest alcohol so it's not a problem.
Love ya joni, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I'd say you are probably in shock.I know that feeling.When you totally trust someone and believe they are being honest and then find out they lied, it is a shock.He did tell you though,rather than hide it.You said you never would have known if he hadn't told you.He deserves credit for that,in my opinion.Took courage.
Keep focused on you.Acknowledge your feelings when they come up.It was good that you got out and did something you like.Nurture yourself,love yourself, love him too.Most of all don't project.Stay in the day.
It is evening here now and we did take the dog out for a ride when my husb got up at 6pm .... and then we went out for a bite to eat. I did not bring anything up all evening. He just had lots of questions, like, "What gets a person to that point, of going out like that?" I said, "I don't know, for the non-A. But for an A, it is the silly thought that "I'm able to just have one or two, and then leave it alone". No preaching, no guilting or pitying on my part. felt like I was just talking to a friend tonight. I was.
Hope this isn't T.M.I., but he was trying to get 'frisky' on the way out of the restaurant. I discouraged him from this tonight, and I said I was not trying to punish him, it is just not fair for me to be 'doing that' with someone who still reaks of alcohol. He agreed.
I just cannot believe how "OK" I feel. The program(s)... both of them... are really working for me, just in this 24 hours. I thank my HP.
that's it. the program is working. both of them. just for today. you are doing it girl! don't wait for shoes to come flying out of the sky. apperciate that right now, no matter what, you are ok. you are awsome and an inspiration. just for today. keep on !!!! lots of love
.... and then we went out for a bite to eat. I did not bring anything up all evening. He just had lots of questions, like, "What gets a person to that point, of going out like that?" I said, "I don't know, for the non-A. But for an A, it is the silly thought that "I'm able to just have one or two, and then leave it alone". No preaching, no guilting or pitying on my part. felt like I was just talking to a friend tonight. I was.