The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello everyone. I came upon this place last night. Spoke to a few people and went to my first al-anon meeting in my city last night. I even participated briefly in the meeting this morning. There is so much to learn.
I understand that he is sick. I have dealt with A's alo my life. I just never had to live with one. I hate when he gets drunk and yells at the neighbours,(usually around dinner time on the weekend when they have company). He thinks that everyone is coming to get him a strange paranoia perhaps. I also rent out an apartment upstairs in my house. Now my tenant of 12 years has to come home to him drunk on the porch which is her only entrance into her apartment. This is not fair to her. If I say anything he threatens to leave. Then I become clingy "don't go","I love you". Which really translates into don't go, I don't want to worry about whether or not you are dead in a gutter all night.
I know that I occasionally have a glass of wine and that gets thrown in my face. Well you are drinking he will say. Most of the time that is just so I calm down and don't say something that might make him leave.
The next day he is either so Sorry or doesn't talk to me and I spend the day wondering what I did to make him upset with me. I feel today like he will think I crossed the line. I called his brother for advise last night. Not to tattle on him but I know that his brother has quit drinking for the same reason as has his dad. I didn't tell him that I called his brother and I am sure that his brother won't but I feel guilty anyways. Like I betrayed him.
I feel like I am losing my mind. My sleeping is suffering, I throw up alot, I'm not eating properly.A month ago I had Carpal Tunnel Surgery, Friday night I got so upset at him that I went to shove the door open not realizing that it had latched shut and now my hand is just throbbing, I hope I didn't do too much damage.
Thank you for giving me a safe place to come and share. I have so much to learn.
Hello Prancer it is amazing to me what we are willing to put up with just so we don't have to go it alone. been there done that too. I hated realizing that I was sooooooooo needy that I excused his behavior for so many yrs, no one to blame but me. He was just doing what a practing /a does . sheeeeeeesh
we spoke a bit the other day and am happy to see u return again , keep commin back your worth the effort . Louise
I finally got to where I said, "there is the door, your choice." Which it is. I refuse to live like that anymore.
My A has been in and out ten times probably. I finally got to where my boundaries are very clear.
I set up my life to be ok financially and all with out him.
Made things so much better.
It takes time to get to that point. A book that explains things in a cool way is, "Getting Them Sober."
We don't do them any favors allowing them to make our homes, not a home. We only make it easier for the disease to sorta maintain a status quo.
He may need to wake up in a gutter to realize this is NOT the life he wants. Hard thing to face that is for sure.
Glad you are here. Keep coming back. For now maybe you can read and see how others can detach and stay in the same home with the A and not go nuts. love,debilyn
Welcome to the board. You have come to the perfect place to get support for what you are going through. I am fairly new myself but can totally feel your pain about not sleeping, feeling guilty, all the feelings you feel when living with an active A.
I hope you begin to feel peace and calmness in your heart and mind. It is a process definitely, but I have to tell you after about four months after finding this program, the principles are finally making me feel better. It does work... please come back.!!!
Treat yourself nicely, do something nice for yourself. It is a tough thing to begin to do but you will feel so much better.
Just wanted to welcome you to MIP and Al-Anon. Living with the stress of alcoholism also made me extremely ill; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. With the love, support and experience of other members I am healing. I learnt to detach with love from my A and not take personally the things he said and did. I used to chew myself up trying to figure out what I could've/should've done differently. The truth was I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it. What I could change was me; my thinking, responses, attitudes and behaviours. I learnt to respond as opposed to react and just in doing that I gained more peace and avoided a lot of unnecessary upset.
So happy you've joined us. I wish you well on your journey of recovery and discovery. May you enjoy the peace and strength I have been given through the gift of others who walked before me.
