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I have not posted here in a while but I just want to know if anyone here has experienced a happy ending living with an alcoholic? Does this nonsense ever end and you get back the person you married??
I'm so tired of the fighting, the resentment, and the broken promises....I honestly can't even stand being intimate with him sometimes anymore. We have a very young child which is why I keep holding on but I feel very lonely inside and admire those that are in a happy, loving relationship...I wish we had that again.
We separated about 3 years ago, when we reconsiled he came back with a habit that he obviously picked-up again after dealing with our divorce (he drank heavy before we met but was clean while we dated, and for the first few months of marrage). I have been fighting with him about this since we've been back together, he stops for a brief amount of time but then slowly works his way back to drinking heavy again. He gets VERY defensive when I bring it up and turns the tables to get the focus off him...so on and so on.
He once again agreed to cut back but not quit, I don't think that will work because we have been down this path before. I just pray to God that something will give, I feel like I have been through too much with him to give up, but sometimes I just want to throw in the towel.
I can certainly relate to what you are feeling.I have been with my alcoholic husband 36 years,he has been sober 16.Alcoholism is a progressive disease.It does not go away even if they get sober and work a strong program.It is something you will always have to deal with.
I wish I could say I am having a happy ending but that is not the case.My AH has been harder to live with sober than he ever was drinking.
I don't have any children but you have to think about the child.The A will always be in his or her life and the child will be affected by the disease.You can set a good example by working the alanon program, for you and for him/her,not necessarily for the A,but the A will also benifit from your changed attitudes.I did not stick with alanon until just about 8 months ago.If I had I could have saved myself alot of grief.In my case, I was not just married to an A,I also grew up with a family full of them.I now believe in the alanon program because I see the changed lives all around me in the meetings and on this board.
Whether to stay or leave is a personal decision.You might try working the alanon program for a year or so and then see how you feel.I wish I had something more positive to say.Hopefully you will get more replies.
As we say in alanon, this is just my humble opinion.Take what you like and leave the rest.Best wishes to you.Hope you stick around.
It is tough living with an A - whether they are sober or not, it is all about how they and we have been affected by the disease of alcoholism. To me that is what Al-Anon is about - to help me to try to recover from the affect of this disease.
You didn't say in your post - Do you attend Al-Anon meetings? If not, please give them a try - my home group suggest trying at least 6 meetings before you make a decision if the program is for you or not.
Keep reading the literature, MIP post and keep sharing -
We are here to help you,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Just like us "Al-Anons", alcoholics go through a process of recovery, that is seldom a straight line..... if he is still talking about "cutting down" and/or managing his drinking - he does not yet "get it"..... he may be on the road to his recovery (albeit early on that road), and/or he may never get it.... verbal promises from an active A are not worth anything at all, aside from likely 'future unmet expectations'.....
OUR recovery is a little simpler than theirs..... we need to focus on ourselves and our dependants, what needs WE have, and whether or not these needs are being met.... Read lots, share here, go to meetings, seek sponsorship, etc.... the right answers, for you, will become more clear....
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I don't think that will work because we have been down this path before. I just pray to God that something will give, I feel like I have been through too much with him to give up, but sometimes I just want to throw in the towel.