The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i'm afraid to get too excited, i don't want to jinx myself ... but my A and i had a breakthrough this weekend and i honestly think it's because i started Al-Anon!!! he was pissy about it at first, and pumping me for info, it was like he didn't want me to be in recovery. it was frustrating and i wanted to just give it up. for about 4 weeks, things had just been getting worse. i went to 3 meetings online last week. i have "Codependent No More" and the Big Book, i kept reading and journaling. i politely left conversations that felt hurtful to me. i surrendered to my HP. i asked for understanding. i asked for the ability to just let things go. i asked for the ability to not have to be right (even if i know i am *wry grin*) and the ability to give up my expectations of what he "should" say or do. it was sort of a "click" in my head and heart Saturday, everything started to make a little more sense suddenly. as frustrating and crazy-making as his behavior is, it is just that, HIS behavior, and it's just not my problem. it feels a little cruel, and a lot selfish, but we were able to communicate all day Saturday and Sunday, and when he got distant a few times i took the opportunity to mindfully meditate to my HP. i thought to myself "how nice to have extra time to meditate today" instead of grumbling inside about his distance. and ironically he didn't distance for as long, or as far away.
ok. so, i'll keep coming back and please remind me i said all this good stuff, when it gets bad again?
I am so happy for you. Good for you!! Please don't be discouraged if you come across valleys again . . . this is lifelong practice of principles that work . . . sometimes we take a few steps backward, but it becomes easier to move forward with the right tools that you are already putting into practice. Living with an alcoholic often makes us not able to enjoy the moment, because we are waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop . . . forget the shoe and enjoy the moment and many more like it to come. Again, so happy for you!!
I know that 'click' - doesn't mean that you may not forget in times of stress, but I have found that even when I slip, the fact that I really have learned some things gets me back on the right track faster. I recognize my own bad behaviour faster, and try to stop 'feeding the wolf'.
I know that click. the first time it happened was amazing, and to be honest *laugh* when i am not working my program and I get that click again it is just as amazing each time. I am so happy that you have been able to find a place of peace that makes you feel better. Keep up the great work!
I am so happy to hear that, congratulations!!! I know that this program does work, but for me it takes practice, practice, practice, and falling off sometimes. I, too, have the Codependent No More book, and also the Language of Letting go by Melody Beattie helps me tremendously. She is a great author. I feel like I have to read something like that every single day to get my head right, and of course come to this board.
As far as remembering these things when times go bad again, I find that I print out responses to my posts that people have written, they help me SO much. Detaching and other tools taught here are really challenging to learn, but keep on going, it sounds like you are doing really well. My thoughts are with you...
And like what Jennifer said, I hear that "click" when I am not working it as well. For me, that is my favorite part is that I am starting to notice my slips, that helps me get back up sooner.
Yours in recovery,
Dolphin123
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
and please remind me i said all this good stuff, when it gets bad again?