For me trying to be the one who was always right. (or thought I was especially with the A) I would not listen to others and their suggestions and go about doing things "my way". As my A's drinking escalated the more I tried to prove to him and others that I was right and he was wrong. I would not listen to others, others who were looking from the outside in, as I was so enmeshed into his drinking and his behaviours. Their words of wisdom are now hindsight. Being a stubborn self willed person that I had become at that point not needing anyone else's help or suggestions, I was going to do this myself come hell or high water! I had no open mind only a closed one, mine. This was pre alanon, this was the insanity that I was engulfed in, this was my life. One mad obsession taking the A's inventory , deciding for him what he should be or not be doing . I came to a point in my life where I was simply done. I was sick and exhausted mentally and physically, and the feeling of helplessness from dealing with my A. I had lost myself within his disease. I came to alanon in utter complete dispair, not having one iota of strength left to do much of anything, let alone remembering to take care of myself.

The door of alanon opened up  for my willingness to grow from that present state into a more understanding of myself. To have the knowledge that I was not helpless or hopeless. Finding out I was too busy and focussed on the A;s behaviour and NOT listening to what others were trying to say. Getting angry at people for them trying to tell me what i should be doing or not doing! I was not listening , to good sound suggestions, my ears were closed. But now I respect the opinions of others, and I can accept disagreement and criticism, with an open mind. I can use their opinions as a learning and growing tool. Perhaps I need to look at what others say, and learn, as I start to mature from my past mistakes. STOP feeling sorry for myself and get up get going, get busy and start living life, period! No more excuses, no more woe is me, and no more what if's or why's. I am listening now for what others have to say, and can digest it more rationally than before, thus becoming a more mature person  thanks to this program. Making each day and living it for whatever it is, and making the most of what there is..........................................gardengal