The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband was going out with friends from work tonight. The last time we spoke on the phone was around 5 this afternoon. It is now 11 pm. He was really drunk this afternoon. I am so tired of his inconsideration. He has his cell phone off. My sponser tells me to change my reaction, she said that's about all I can do. I am so angry and hurt. He is chronically sick with something or other, never has the energy or money to take me anywhere, but he has the money and strenght to be out after working all day. I think I am going to have to get myself together and look for an apartment. I did it back in 1999, my biggest mistake was coming back to him. We are in debt up to our ears, he is acting like the big shot lately because he has been working steadily, for the most part he works between 6 and 8 months a year, I am just so mad right now my mind is running all over the place. Lil
It took awhile for me to know, remember, and comprehend the three C's
You didn't cause it
you can't control it
and you can't cure it!
Take care of YOU. That is ALL you can do.
Love and hugs
Sandy
(PS. I was there, many yrs ago w/my first hubby. I do talk from experience! Not just to hear myself! LOL) Remember, you are the MOST important thing in your life today.
I know the sleepless, worrying nights well. Too well.
I think in my case he protected himself in the only way he knew how. He couldn't face normal life..debts etc. Somehow he made it okay (in his mind) to gloss over it all, to find his escape, his way of coping. Of course reality goes on as we know and we have to pick up the pieces.
I understand the anger and the hurt and the frustrations that you're going through. And also the sheer abyss od abandonment when he disappears for three days. the worry and the just not knowing....and the helplessness.
I was in this place for years, couldn't see a way out. I didn't know I was sick myself then too. I was being controlled by the same disease that was controlling him. It's completely insidious, it grips everyone in it's midst, and wears them down.
But now I'm getting better. I know I didn't cause it. (I used to spend ages beating myself up about arguments I may have started, comments I shouldn't have made. This was wrong of me. We're all just human) I can't change it, and I certainly can't control it (tried very hard at this one!)
I go for walks now and enjoy the sunshine, and I make arrangements to meet up with friends for a chat. Just normal things really. But when I was really sick, I didn't used to do this. I would arrange my day my life around him...and how I could stop him drinking really. How crazy was I, thinking I could control an A's drinking?
It took me years to see. Now I'm a bit better. I have a long way to go I know but I'm facing the right way.
I hope you find comfort in knowing you're not alone. I hope you find you're way to a happy life for yourself. AM
I can definitely relate to the worry. I can also relate to the resentment. I know how absolutely corrosive it can be. I have got to the point where I do not ask him where he is going or what he is doing. He will put his friends and his using first always. Every single holiday is about his using. It took me years to see that was the priority my needs are non existent as far as he is concerned. I let go and let go and let go. I do not want any more resentments I know how toxic they are.
