The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As a child, to help keep the fragile balence that was our alcholic home, decisions were generally made for me. From what I wore to what I ate, I was told what to do. Furthermore, when I made my own decisions, I was told (very loudly and violently) that I had made a "mistake" and that I needed "to learn from my mistake." In reality, what I had done was I had fought the control my parents were trying to exert over an uncontrollable situaition.
Today, I still would rather that people make decisions for me. This enables me to stay a victim, blame the person making the decisions for me, and resent them (but always resent myself all the more, of course). How do you, using your recovery thinking, make decisions for yourself today? What kinds of decisions do you make for yourself today?
Tiger, I honestly felt I was the only one in the world who struggled with decisions. Your post is such an echo of how I feel. I find that even the smallest, insignificant decision is difficult for me to make. I mentally spar with myself, debating whether it makes more sense to stop for gas before groceries or vice versa. It's so stressful.
I'm thinking now, what my first--if only--decision for today will be. Thank you for the heads up!
How amazing it is to re-create our childhood on so many levels. I try to be responsible for my life. It is incredibly difficult to. Cutting through what is familiar to new healthy behavior takes so so much focus and understanding and almost a pinpoint minute by minute awareness of my life.
That is one of the definitions of codependant isn't it? I grew over my 41 years to only make decissions I thought others would like. My frustration came to a head when I found that in her disease, I couldn't tell what she wanted anymore.
So I was even failing in my self-destructive people pleasing... wow, what a shot through the heart that was.
I don't do it often enough, but I am starting to ask myself questions when I make decissions now. Is this the right thing to do reguardless of what anyone else thinks? How will I feel if I do/don't do this?
Since then I have made the "right" decission in some cases and started an absolute war. My friends here have helped me understand that just because they had a fit doesn't mean it wasn't the right decission. It comes from me teaching others, that I won't make the right decission, I will do what ever they want. And that's true. (its like the druelling dogs) LOL
Good topic!
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
(((((((((((((tigger))))))))))))) neat post and I just made a decisions this last weekend and Stuck to it It took lots of prayers and Awesome sponsor but I did it!!!!! I told my A father No and I meant NO and it was the best decisions I made I had a peaceful weekend with the other side of the family!!!!!
Well there was lots of quilt,shame, what ifs, I am making the right decision at the time, and I felt like a little child inside I wanted someone else to make the decision for me but you know what I used the tools of this program and MY HP and I decided that I was going to make the decision because it was my A family and I was adult and not a child no more!!! I want what is best for me and the serenity I feel inside is worth me saying NO when i mean NO and Yes when I mean Yes!!!!!! It was a great step in what I call Freedom in recovery!!!!
Well, I have been a victim or in victim thinking. I have blamed my AHsober for my demise. He left and said he didn't love me and wants a divorce. This has been his pattern throughout our marriage - to quit, everything for that matter. I hold him accountable for what has happen. My recovery insight today was that I chose him for a mate. I have stayed with him all these years knowing his tendencies as an ACA and a recovering A. It is a decision that I made. And we are both powereless over our perspective diseases.
