The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I began this site only 2 wks ago while my A was out of town with work. Yesterday, We went to court and lost his daughter back to his ex.(she only wants her for child support in my opinion) But we are both very sad. After he got drunk, passed out; I got online for company sake. Just after the meeting got underway, He woke up and saw me at the pc. He went nuts when he realized it was an Al-Anon meeting. He told me I cannot ever say the name God in his house again unless it is followed by the word damn because God has damned us all. I know he is hurting and feels bitter. I also struggle with trusting and turning over all control to HP. If only HP would plant the seed of change in his heart. But I can't help but wonder if HP is trying to tell me it's just time to let go and I'm too stubborn to realize it. How do I work step 3? I can't figure out why I'm so scared to let HP take control. I am so spiritually exhausted.
Sorry for the hurt that you are going through right now.
For me I had to truly work on trusting HP one day at a time. When we finally reach the doors of alanon we are so battered and bruised that trusting something, anything was so foreign to me that I did it a little at a time. Slowly bit by bit with handing things over I was able to completely let go, that doesn't mean I don't slip everyonce in a while and take it back. Then I remember the peace I feel when I leave it to my HP and that helps me to release again.
I once had a fellow member share in a f2f that she wrote out a list of the qualities her HP would have, the characteristics of her loving HP, and that became he HP. She did that and said that this helped he to trust her HP, because she created her HP.
Yours in reocvery,
Dolphin123
__________________
"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
You'll never "let" HP take control because he/she/it already has control.. But you can quit trying to control and accept that a power greater then yourself already is in control. The key is to accept it. When we think the control is ours we are working against HP.
We simply don't know what is best in the big scheme of things. HP may have a far bigger plan, and better then what we can imagine.
As far as your A and the God thing. If he chooses not to mention HP's name, that's his choice but he has no right to impose it on you. His bitterness will only attract more bitterness to his life.
I believe that when HP closes a door, another opens. But we have to be open to seeing it.
You said you wish HP would plant the seed of change in your A. Why not begin with yourself and be an example? You can wait an awful long time for someone else to change but you can change yourself right now.
take care, Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Hello , for me letting go and turning my life over was fear , what am i going to have to do ? what is expected of me? turns out I was afraid to let go of the little bit of control I thought I had . thought being the key word. It says a God of my understanding . well i didkn't understand and want sure if I wanted to so my first HP was my group together they could get me thru this took me along time to come to terms with step 3 when we have no where else to go but up u will find a God of your understanding.
I can relate to your hsub reactionto the word God mine did exactly the same thing so I jsut kept my thoughts to my self on that subject. hehe plenty of people in al anon to discuss it with anyway . oh and it turns out that all my God wants from me is to be happy , and become a better person and I am willing to keep on trying on a daily basis . I don't run my lfe anymore as i remember I didn't do such a great job on my own. hehe
I resisted belief in a hp. I had no help. One day I realized my way wasn't working. In desperation I just shifted to believing there was something higher. It wasn't much. I then started hanging things on that higher ___. By default, if I put my trouble on the higher ___ (now that I think of it, it was sort of a higher coatrack and i'd hang a trouble on the rack), I wouldn't have to carry that trouble around. Maybe it was a higher parking lot. Whatever it was, I was lighter. Just because I felt better, I tried it more and more. It is now my Higher Power. At first I was experimental. Now I rely on it. I depend on it. I make plans knowing my HP is available. It's like gravity for me. I believe that all stages I went through, even the nonbelief, are appropriate for the me in that time. I had to try it without to know that wasn't it. Good topic. -- Jill
