hi good to see  you. I wanted to respond to your response.

I have been in alanon a good many years. Have seen my A husband go thru about everything.

I am not stranger to relapse, sobriety, recovery program to relapse and on and on.

I am not ignorant when it comes to aism.

Worry is not part of my equasion. One day at a time, do my best and enjoy what I can.

My A's sobriety has nothing to do with anything. I am happy for just that 30 min. of seeing the man I married. I know I may see him next time and he will be the monster again. Know i have no control.

I feel if an A has one sober day, it is a gift. If he chooses to follow his path of recovery, good for him.

My job is to take care of me no matter what he does.

All I will do is pick him up and he can do his business. Then it is up to him to ask if I found a meeting for that day. From there it is one day at a time. If he chooses to use, then he knows he may not be with me. So I take him to town and leave him.

I am not celebrating and all hopeful. I guess I am real. It is what it is.

There is no rug to be pulled out from under me. I am still on my own ground.

I appreciate the concern in your post. And I realize it is a way you are choosing to look at things.

Sweetie I am not an ignorant woman anymore. I know this disease, I know it is cunning and evil and robs my A of his life. It would love to hurt me all over again. But it does not have a chance.

First time it turns my stomach, I turn the other way and keep walking. Or more like my poor A will.

I guess I felt, after all these years of alanon and living it, that you did not realize, who I am, or how I am looking at this.

But see, it made me think. Made me know I am ok and not all gaga. uno?Now I am GAGA over my horse, Elgin who is coming soon!! Now that is worth celebrating!! lol

love,debilyn