My A just left to go by booze under the guise of buying ice, she has graduated from beer to wine so she is not drinking as much or so she says. I do not entertain any conversation on booze. (sometimes I think why don't you just spend all your money and stock up) We still have bills due and she is almost broke. she said something about now that I have money why don't I pitch in on the bills. Oh I am gonna keep a record and show her exactly how much of my money we have spent on us or her so far. I am taking most of her money tomorrow to pay the power bill. she does not yet. Why is there always money for booze? 

We had the code enforcement man come out today to see if we can move into & fix up a mobile home we had bought for storage. I was told to stay inside. Seems I tend to say more than is necessary when talking to someone or so she says. She ( my A ) later apologized. She said I give away more than is necessary in a conversation. I said you are in charge! And walked away.

We have permission to fix up the mobile home to live in , great we will have two homes on the same piece of land. I will live in one and she will live in the other. She told the man that the bed set up in the mobile home is for when she gets stupid. She has yet to sleep there. I can not wait, it will take time and money but it will happen. I have a tv for another room I bought this week. It was like $75 total my sanity needed it.

We got started today around noon in south GA in putting in a window a/c unit. She could not get out of bed early, "she is in pain."  Dr told her monday that in addition to having one bulging & one herniated disk since 92 she now has another bulging & a tear on her herniated disk plus arthristis in those disks as well.  ( I have 2 herniated disk myself.) Well of course she will never tell any DR about her booze consumption as it could not be related. :rolling eyes:

We got started on putting in a window a/c unit around noon till 3pm. I felt I was in the way. But she could not do it alone. I so wanted to say something but I bit my tongue. We got the old one out of the window & tore up the sheet rock in the process plus all the water/ condensation is now on the floor below my computer. It doesn't matter house is unfinished anyway. she put a shelf together for me in the window. 

 My God talk about body odor. I was about to gag. I have tried to say something about it in the past but forget it WWIII would be less of a problem. She will say " I like my natural odor"  She seems clueless about her hygiene. She will go out in public with dirt on her neck, face, arms & hands. I say something about looking in the mirror & I will get a smart comment. I give up!  Before she left she did clean up & put on decent clothes must be I am so special she has to dress like a pauper.

Our bathroom has been under construction so we use water from the garden hose in an tub outside, we live in the stix on 5 acres. We also have water coming into the house in the washing machine. We also have a freind who says we can use their shower any time so there is no excuse for stinking.

While she was away housesitting, I threw several of her favorite rags in the garbage. She does not know it yet. Her favorite clothes to wear are dirty, stained , ripped or holey. I was taught by someone to make yourself presentable when going out in public. I usually wear jeans or short & tshirts. I do not wear makeup & my hair is wash and go. I am insulted that she does not care to look nice in my company. Oh there are times she will dress up & can look good but those are few and far between. I am so embarrassed to be seen in public with a "pig pen." I gave up saying anything to encourage her to dress up or clean up at least.

I wonder if when I was drinking was I that bad? We finally got the A/C unit in the window. I am setting up my computer and several times she leans over my desk in front of me in the path of the A/C and cough , cough, gag. If I hold my breath or nose she will notice and say what is the matter? sheesh grow a clue!

Then a neighbor came over & my A  decides to bring inside some bigger dogs. She knows that one of the big dogs (80lbs) does not like one little dog (10lbs) this dog has gone after the smaller dog more than once and hurt her. she shakes her like a rag doll. I tell the little one to get up & then let the big dog inside. NO she never thought about it. oh she forgot! She grabbed the bigger dog by the neck & pulled her up. I wanted to punch the big dog in the nose. She says no she is ok then leads her to her pen.

Just the other day she let the big dogs inside they got in a frenzy and 3 got into a fight inside the house. Then more dogs wanted to get into it. We lost an oscillating floor fan, the blades got broke. I got the spray bottle out and ended the fight. Both of these incidents the A was sober. Just not thinking.Then acts like that is ok. everyone is fine.

We have some clothes, shoes & school stuff ( we got from dumpster diving) so we had our neighbors son ( 14) look at them. My A opens the door & the neighbors grabbed some stuff that I had put up for me and my A ( to replace her nasty clothes).They complained because it was hot in the mobile home duh no power yet.  I did tell them if they did not fit to give them back so we can pass them on to the free clothing bank. I noticed a bag I had in the truck a bag with my personal stuff, books, papers,my sneakers &  things to do while sitting with this man. The bag is now in the mobile home with storage. Of course the handle got ripped. My A has a cow if I touch anything or move anything that is hers. The other bag was left in the truck. I moved all this stuff to the back of the truck because the princess has a cow about anything being on her side of the truck in her way.    

My head is pounding. I gave up on plans. I thought we were going to town today since I was off work. We were going to take my truck to the repair shop 15 miles away. i can not do it alone. We were suppose to get her new medicine. And we were to make arrangements to get the broken bags of dog food again from a local store. they want to throw the food in the trash for the next 6 months before they move to a new location being built. I have to go to work by 2pm Thursday so not alot of time to go town. I am not going to let her have the truck while I work for 6 hours. I was off work yesterday too. ( I have decided in the am, I am going to town without her, she can sit her alone till I get home.)

 I was able to talk to her this week while she had been sober for 10 days. She was house sitting and unable to get any. I told her I will not ride nor will she drive the truck while intoxicated. She started to say she never drinks and drives then she stopped herself and said you are right. alright. I am so glad we can talk like this, she says. 

I am counting my days till July 26th so I can be away from her till Aug 1st.. I wish I could take my little dog. he is with me almost everywhere. He is at my feet right now & will sleep with me in the cats room too. Until I leave, we have a sale to do on Saturday am then I work from 7pm to 8am. I am out of ideas here. I am trying to give my worries to my HP. I am going to my room with my cats & watch tv alone and be by myself for awhile. I do not like to fight. lol I can not wait to move into that mobile home , $600 to hook up power so far. 

A has been back & is acting like everything is ok, she is even cooking dinner. ha I am not hungry though. I can not believe she told her theraphist she is reading a book " seat of the soul" and working on her drinking problem.

I beleive my HP send me a new friend where I can get away from here. the young ladies father is an A. I do not know ......I want to say something to him about her worrying about him & his drinking but I know it is not my place.  I am feeling clueless right about now. 

I want to kill my A now. I was online then got bumped cuz the phone rang. The neighbor from earlier called. She talked for over an hour. I went to my cats room watched tv & napped. I got up & she was stumbling & falling down. I think she managed to drink both bottles of $4.00 cheap wine. I am so angry when she gets stupid. She has to have someone to talk to her. I am getting better at doing something else. reading, watching tv, ignoring her. She gets the message and leaves after several attempts at conversation. why the heck must someone get wasted to talk to me? I feel so special. NOT! I am taking my carafate because my stomach hurts.

 She says something about feeding the outdoor dogs. Then falls down outside. I have no compassion for that. I have had to pick her up , pull her out of between the deck and fence etc. It gets so old. she went inside. I got 3 of my dogs and went for a ride. A neighbor moved out behind us. I went to see what she left behind. Well, I have a place to go when she gets stupid at least till someone new moves in. It has a deck on the back of the trailer with a place to sit overlooking a seasonal pond. I love the nature and frogs.

I get back she wakes up &  asked Did we feed the dogs yet? Please can I kill her? I am so angry. This is so freaking old. It is annoying the hell out of me. She went to bed then gets up &: tries to watch tv. She gets the remote and turns the volume so far down I can not hear it. She finally goes back to bed & I  can not sleep. It is 3am.  hmm, sitting with a 72 year old man who is constantly making passes or sexual remarks is a whole lot better. I hate being so responsible. My A used to insist the bills be paid before any money could be spent but since I am working or have money coming in she seems clueless. 

Decisions I have made, I am going to town without her tomorrow. I am going to get as much of her money as possible to pay the power bill. I have to be at work at 2pm. I think I may have time to go to my f2f alanon meeting as well.  I talk to my counselor on the phone in the evening. so tomorrow has got to be better.

thursday update. I got up too late to go anywhere before work. I feel like I am going to get sick to my stomach for I only took nexium for my stomach & carafate. A is up & down going outdoors to throwup. I made a list of all the bills left to pay this month and put it near her wallet. She has about $65 left. She had $100. Always have booze money it is a must! I am going to go lay down again and see if I can stop this feeling in my stomach. I am so tired. When will this get better?