The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I actually think I'm going to see a week ahead of me where I won't be crying,highly upset..pissed beyond sanity. I'm going to my first F2F in about an hour.
This board has been (and will CONTINUE to be) a grand help for my peace of mind. I have been looking forward to this meeting for the longest time. Yeh, i was thinking earlier "Well maybe I don't have to go.He HAS been less drunk in the last two days;still drinking all day. Maybe I can just stay and play scrabble and work out things.....bla bla hogwash...lip service." No,I'm going. He's not seeking the treatment he is required to do and I should know DAMN well better than to take his 'less drunk' days for granted.It will only be a matter of a day or two before he is back in the sad saddle of being so sick and sick looking that I will be enraged at myself,as well as him, if I do not go and get my second level of possible support. How the heck can one dream of graduating if they don't attend classes?
As a recovering A myself I am excited about getting out for the hour. I'm saving myself another baby step at a time. This will be my first time on the other end(though I had to attend some ala-teen meetings in my youth about 20 years ago) as an adult.
Another thing I was thinking of, that was totally misplaced was that maybe if I attend some meetings...then he'll follow suit.Boy oh boy do I know that is the wrong answer eh?(soft chuckle). To heck if he does or doesn't. I love him and I would like to salvage our future together and my own comfort. If there's one valuable thing I've been able to dig out for my own knowledge...it's that with or without him I need to develop some necessary survival skills to get through my obvious attraction to sickness.
i hope your first ftf was as fulfilling as mine was. I remember it like it was yesterday and it was 4 years ago. I was so nervous walking in that I auctually ended up in the AA meeting. I was horrified to hear everyone start to introduce themselves as alcoholics and it took me a few minutes to realize what I had done. I felt like running from the building to my car but I wasn't willing to waste the trip. So after realizing where the Alanon meeting was I went for it. Unlike the AA meeting this room was full to the gills and everyone was laughing and hugging. I was blown away that they could be so happy that I had to keep going back to get to that happy place in my life.
It felt so good to be in a room where everyone knew my pain. I must say it tooks me months to be able to share and my heart still races until I do. If I don't share I walk away feeling like I cheated myself and others because I always hear something I needed to hear and I might share something that strikes a chord for someone else.
If your ftf isn't what you wanted try another group. They really do vary. Congrats to your first meeting.
YEAH for you! I am so curious to find out how it went! I have been to only a couple f2F, but they are good. It is so important to feel like you are not alone. I hope it went great for you, and that you made some connections. I'm sure you know as a recovering A yourself, that to be isolated is not the way to go.
I, too am a recovering A, we are what you call double winners!! Isn't that cute? I hope you are beginning on a path of self-care and friendships with other women that can begin to build in you a new self-confidence and self-love. It is so important for us.
