Not his mom - Al-Anon Family Group

jkiss03 · Member

Not his mom

AlaMom · Senior Member

((((jkiss))))

Way to take care of you. I love those little lightbulb moments we have that show us the things we need to change in ourselves. They arent always as easy to recognize but they are great when we do. Keep taking care of you.

Karen

Dolphin123 · ~*Service Worker*~

jkiss,

Good for you, I hope your walk does you well!

I remember the first time I stopped taking babying my "A", lol he was shocked, but I was doing it for me, and it felt great.

Keep working the program.

Yours in Recovery,

Dolphin123

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello J nice to meet you - smart move leaving his recovery to him . I hope u are attending meetings for yourself al anon f2f . It is the best way to support his efforts ya never know this could be it. We are n ot responsible for keeping them sober but getting our own prgrams helps that way were both on the same page.

Hardest part for me was keeping out of his face in recovery but al anon reminds me that i have no right to choose the method of recovery for anyone but me. - go figure good luck Louise

Tiger2006 · ~*Service Worker*~

You might want to ask yourself whose recovery this is to begin with. After all, he's the one to go through rehab, to go to meetings, et cetera. Any time I find myself needing to do "mothering-esque" behaviors what I'm really doing is saying to another person, with my behavior, "Because I don't trust you to make good decisions, I'm going to make them for you. If you do not abide by my decisions, I will punish you. I will hurt you. I will minimize your feelings, manipulate your options, and manage your life as best I can."

Now this pattern of behavior isn't entirely unfounded. Given the fact that your alcholic has a history with you, trust must be earned. Trust is earned by trustworthy actions--when one shows up on time, where one says they will be; when one does the things that one says they will; when one attends to the commitments one makes. However, when I use another person's history as an excuse to rationalize my own feelings of low self worth or self esteem, to excuse any behaviors that are disrespectful, or to simply be hateful or mean, what I am really doing is being abusive in a passive agressive manner.

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Good for you! I am glad you are letting go and allowing him to get well on his own.

Also that you are taking care of you.

love,debilyn

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Alanon meetings 1-888-425-2666

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.
post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· In this program u learn that u have choices. In Alanon we don’t give advice but only suggestions.

· Set support system. people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.