Hello Valeri , welcome . the only thing I know for surei s that if nothing changes ,nothing cha!!nges. We just keep doing the same things over andover again this time thinking it will work out different. that is our insanity.  Alcoholics need enablers and thats where we come in , we believe the lies over and over again , we make excuses for thier crappy behavior , we lie for them we cover up thier mistakes.  Until we stop doing those things there is no reason why the A should become responsible for his mess. we make them look good at our expence.

I did all the wrong things for the right reasons,none of which worked.  You say u can't get it yet that nothing usay or do will change his drinking. try sitting down with a coffee nd paper and pen tomorrow list all of the things u have done to make him stop.  Tears don't work , reasoning doesn't work threats to leave don't work.  We are doomed to fail because we are not the ones with the problem .

Nothing u say or do will make him drink or stop. Getting the focus back on yourself and changing the things u can . YOU       Perhaps there is a meeting in your area durring the day if that would make your life a l ittle easier baby sitting wise .leaving a child with someone who  you know will drink is just not acceptable.   Often churches offer day care drop in baby sitting  for a couple of hrs.  good luck   Louise

Val,

You are in the right place! Keep coming back and try to make face to face meetings, if possible, some al anon meetings in my area have daycare, maybe yours too.  Take things one day at time, with no major decisions until you regain focus, its hard I know but take it slow and tell yourself over and over, its about me now-detaching with love is a wonderful slogan to practice.

One thing I have learned is Alcholism is a progressive disease, just like cancer and any person with a disease that goes untreated will die-spiritually, mentally and physically. But pity towards this disease person is useless, with my alcoholic who is sober right now-----I came to beleive in the three C's-didnt cause it, can't cure it and cant control it.

When my A was drinking, my life was totally unmanageable --my thoughts were distorted, I did all kinds of crazy things enabling-lending money, driving to some seedy places to pick him up b/c he was too drunk too drive, keeping the house quiet so he could rest after drinking for days at a time, calling him over an over to find out where he was when he didnt show home, I felt if he could love himself like I loved him he could get better, I could go on and on, but worst of all, I didnt take care of myself and I became sick too.  I came into Al Anon over a year ago, after the first couple of meetings, I knew I belonged in Al-Anon.  

It helped me to change my attitude towards myself and the alcoholics in my life.  When my A relasped for a few months, I was hands off, I didnt beg, plead, tell him he needed to go to AA , I let go and let God, I did nothing.....his recovery is not my business.  He hit rock bottom,  went back into Rehab and is now very active in AA.  It was very hard not to help but I stayed the course. I have thought over and over what an amazing difference it made for me when I followed my alanon principles. It wasnt perfect but it was progress. Usually two steps forward, one step back but nevertheless progress.

I pray for him and his recovery, I love him very much, our relationship has been put on the back burner for the sake of our own recovery...and its working. 

One day at a time Val, keep it simple and the focus on you---you have made the first steps, you are in my prayers. G