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Hi family--I saw that quote in my al anon "Cal's Recovery Journal" and it sparked something that I hadn't thought about for a long time. At one time, maybe like 6 mos ago, my dad put together 90 continuous days of sobriety, and at first I was like "Yeah whatever" because that's the way my dad's disease works, he'll be sober for as much as 3 or 4 weeks and then be absolutely pie eyed for 5 or 6 weeks. But when he was going to meetings, doing the fellowshipping, doing the big book thing, I was like "Wow okay, I'm shocked." Then the shock turned to "Okay, so now where do I fit into this family?" Because, after all, since mom had left my jr year of hs (fall 2000) family meant just him and me. Then that feeling turned into "You mean you could have actually gotten sober all this time and you just didn't want to?" So dad relapses a little after getting 90 days and I feel relieved--relieved, y'all! And as I was journaling, I realized that that a good reason was because life was back to "normal," things were back to "normal," et cet.
Well, I'm posting because this is like a majorly big discovery. And I'm feeling, well ashamed. That I would be relieved that my father relapsed? I see my councelor later today, she might help me not be so clueless...
I can tell you that I have been there when my Husband relpased. I felt relieved. I think it is all apart of our disease. Well for me it was, and I had to do my soul searching to figure out why I was relieved that he relapsed. Part of it for me was control and being needed.
Today I believe I am ready for him to try his recovery again. I no longer try to control him and I need me, so I have finally taken my focus off of him.
I hope you have a great session with your counselor.
Yours In Recovery,
Dolphin123
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Ever suffer, in your recovery, from the "yeah buts"???
I remember, way back when my wife at the time was still active, and I was 100% focussed on that 'magical day' when she was going to find sobriety, and things would then turn out, and life would be easy.... The oldtimers in Al-Anon would tell me that it would NOT be so, and I said "yeah but......"
Mine was gonna be different
My life was gonna make sense
My marriage was gonna not only be saved, but suddenly become full of love
Etc., etc...
Well, the oldtimers were right, of course.... My ex-A is now over four years sober, which IS truly a blessing, but we are divorced, don't think very highly of one another, and some days it is all we can do to be amicable enough 'for the good of the kids'....
Not happily ever after, by any stretch, but it is FAR better than during the active years....
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Family, thanks for your loving insight. It's good to know that part of my response to my dad's disease is my own disease and part of it is simply the "OMG, it's a major change I can't deal with it and I'm not going to give God a chance to help me deal with it" complex. Thanks again. ((hugs of gratitude))
Great honest post. We are human and not perfect. For me, my AH doesn't want to be married any more, wants to give into his addictions, doesn't want to change and these things he is saying sober. In my darker moments, I think if he went back to drinking then I could really call it alcoholism and justify his behavior. In sobriety, I keep asking myself why?, why?, why?
But I think that this is where our higher powers come in to help us.
(((((((Tiger)))))))Thanks for your post and the update. You have such good insight into yourself. To me it is very admirable. Thanks for sharing this. I seem to learn so much from you! cdb
I have to look at my own part in this somehow. I went to al-anon years ago. I did not relate. In theory I've needed al-anon for decades. Yet it was only when I got on my knees I could put the effort into coming here. Admittedly not every meeting "clicks" at the same time I knew I was incredibly codependent for years. I read books but I was not ready to do the long hard haul to get out of it. So I think for me as a codependent while I need to be aware what the A is doing, the focus has to be on me. His sobriety is no longer the focus, the focus is on me.
That way I can not get caught up in resentment and collecting trophies of resentment.
Wow that's a huge dose of deep awareness. When I start seeing why/how a defect of mine served me or I learn the hows and whys I can wallow in the comfort of a surrounding sick behavior it really does shed new light on my sickness.
It's amazing how without realizing it we find comfort in sick behaviors for the only reason being that it is what we are used to.
Change sucks, or at least it feels like it sucks, even when it's for the better. It's when I'm able to work the program in a given situation and accept the change that the ride is much smoother.
Great work Tiger
{{{tiger}}}
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
And as I was journaling, I realized that that a good reason was because life was back to "normal," things were back to "normal," et cet. 
That I would be relieved that my father relapsed? 
I see my councelor later today, she might help me not be so clueless...