The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
God...I`m so mad at myself.My A husband who has been gone for 7 months finally started going to AA and changing.I let him come home only to be let down again..I knew better dammit!! We spent 2 GREAT days together...made me love him all over again.I had to go to my Moms today...she lives an hour away.I was only gone 4 hours.Started calling him on my way home no answer.Got home...he is sleeping on the couch and of course you all know the signs..the smell,the glazed eyes....you get the picture.I exploded and told him to get out....long story short..we had an awful fight...even got violent.He finally left.After he left I started to doubt my sanity...was he really drinking or is it me that has a problem?Then it dawns on me...I had a little alcohol in the freezer...I go check and it`s gone.I also check the garbage and find an empty schnapps bottle and vodka bottle!! I HATE THIS DISEASE...I HATE WHAT IT`S DONE TO MY FAMILY AND MY SANITY!!!!!!!! Thanks for listening
I'm so sorry this happened to you and you are going through this. It is soooooo hard. Did he move back in with you? I hope you are safe and did not get physically hurt as well. Please take care of yourself and keep your head up, you did the right thing. I know you are disappointed and angry, let it out here... you are not alone.
You are human Allison all you did was let your guard down for a little love to come in. Where would we be in life if we didn't have a little hope every now and then. Put this down to a hiccup and take care of you I am sure deep down your heart is broken. (((()) Luv Leo xx
I so understand the pain and disappointment of a relapse. My A had several before he finally stayed sober and got some recovery. Ironically, his 'real' recovery started when I fell off my program big-time. He phoned me drunk, I lost it and screamed down the phone ''Tell it to someone who gives a (naughty word)! You've got numbers, use them.'' then I hung up and pulled the phone from the wall. He called another member, they took him to a meeting (drunk) and he stayed the night at their house. Next morning he called and said he was just finishing his coffee then coming home. Hours later he was still a no show, I got myself in a right temper and phoned that poor member...several times. I still feel embarrassed now to think of it. Not only had I gone insane but I made sure he wasn't the only one who knew! I can laugh about it today but at the time.....whew!!!
The first year of sobriety was really hard too as the ism's were still strongly in evidence. You did nothing wrong, you wanted to believe in your A, love, support and encourage him. For me, the prospect of never hoping for his sobriety was worse than 'falling for it again'. In time, I learnt that it is ok to have hope but not to have expectations and that my happiness did not depend on his sobriety. Painful though it was, it got easier each time he relapsed and I believe that was part of our path and necessary for our growth.
Put that ''I should've known better'' stick down and wrap yourself up in a hug of love and forgiveness for yourself. Stay close to your meetings, read your literature and let the support of the fellowship carry you through. If you have numbers for members in your group call them. I found if I called when I was doing ok, it became easier to reach out for help when I was wobbly thereby averting further relapses for myself. I learnt to catch myself before I dove into the insanity, then I didn't go down as far or stay down as long. Try to get the focus back on you and your own recovery and remember 'this too shall pass'. That's what helped me, take what you like (if anything) and leave the rest.
I am so sorry Allison.. I too invited my A home only to have him relapse. This is a process not a magical healing ( too bad it isnt ) .. I know that once I heard him say " I have a drinking problem " I wanted him HEALED !! I felt like whew.. now my family can function normally. Well, it didnt take long to figure out that i was SOO wrong.. We love our husbands and for me it is hard to see him this way.. I hate this disease too.. I hate what it has done to my husband, me and my children. I beat myself up too but I realized that I am not perfect either.. I am just a woman who loves her husband who believes that recovery is a process for me and for him. Today he is sober, he is still seeing an addiction specialist but who knows what tomorrow will be.. Relapse, maybe.. but i will take one day at a time or one minute if i have to.. You mentioned he made you love him all over again.. Its really hard to remember but he loves you and this is hard on him too. I am sorry that it has to hurt so bad.. I truely know how you feel..
Try not to be so hard on yourself, it is okay to LOVE someone effected by this disease. Just focus on YOU and YOUR recovery !! I am learning more everyday trying to take baby steps..I know that is all i can do right now..
I am glad you posted. It gives me clarity and you are not alone. My AH came last weekend. We have been separated for a year. When he comes I make the assumption that he wants a relationship. Then he pulls the same old stuff. "I am outta here". "I just came to help you". He is a dry drunk who has the alcoholic's bag of tricks. And I fall for it every time. And he knows it. That is the disease of alcoholism.
