embarrassed and ashamed - Al-Anon Family Group

maire rua · ~*Service Worker*~

embarrassed and ashamed

annmarie · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Marie,

I understand what you're going through. I am just going through a break up myself and its the hardest thing in the world.

I have spent a lifetime trying to make everything okay for As in my life, and I now am trying to do what I have to do to look after myself. I have no more energy left to give them now.

Some words that were given to me that helped were "when nothing changes nothing changes". For me this made me see that for years I had been doing the same old thing....putting up with so much upset and let downs. And then I realised that the only person I can change is myself.......no one else. It took me a while to grasp this, but now I'm starting to see that I have to save my own sanity. And I'm making new choices for myself.

The A will always make their own choices, regardless of what we say or do. They are sick people who are battling with their own illness. They are not bad people, just sick people.

But now Marie, you can make a choice to look after yourself better. I found I neglected myself for many years, but now I'm starting to appreciate myself more. I do things for me and it makes me happier. At the begining I didn't even know what made me happy really.
The three C's are important, you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't change it.

There are some very supportive people here who really care. I hope the more senior members will be able to give you some good guidance. They certainly helped me a lot.

I wish you well Marie,
Time to take of you now, keep coming back,
AM

iwishuheaven · Veteran Member

marie rua:

You are NOT to blame!!

It is your ex and his disease that is to blame.

Congtratulations on making a very courageous choice and deciding to change your life. I know there are a lot of very nice people here and they are very willing to listen and offer suggestions. You will probably here this alot but the f2f meeting are really beneficial. I went to my first one this week and found 2 people in the group with the very similar stories to my own. You are not alone.

Kepp coming back and keep posting.

Here is the link to find a meeting in your area.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

Mike.

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Alanon meetings 1-888-425-2666

Al-Anon Family Groups UK & Eire
61 Great Dover Street
London
SE1 4YF

Tel: 020 7403 0888

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.

post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· In this program u learn that u have choices. In Alanon we don’t give advice but only suggestions.

· Set support system. people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.