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Earlier today I posted about fighting the urge to call my husband of which I am seperated from. Well the good thing is I didnt call him. But in hindsight I should have never answered the phone when he called me.
It was a horrible afternoon. I allowed him to push my buttons getting me into the fray he was causing. I did catch myself but it was to late. I was in it - said things I didnt want to say, heard things I didnt want to hear etc.
He was absolutely awful to me - what should I expect? After listening to the barage of insults against me and my older kids whom he feels should be slaves in our house I had had enough.
We had to go and take care of something together tonight - but there was no arguement during this. When I dropped him off he called me and started all over again. I told him I was sorry he felt that way and that I couldnt talk to him. He has called me 2X since then. Each time I have told him that I am not up to talking to him. He is in his remorseful stage right now - which is all to common and I am just not up to it.
I am emotionally exhausted right now. I started to feel some of the anger again at this disease and what it has done to my family. I am also feeling some of the pain more intensely. I have good moments and bad and am following all the wonderful suggestions I have been getting. It is in those moments of pain, anger and weakness I swear he smells and uses to his advantage. I am seriously considering telling him that I cant talk to him at all for a while - but as we have kids I am not sure how well that will work.
Karen
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Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Love you all!
Karen
It's like getting the hem of our sleeves caught in the blades of a garbage disposal isn't it? We figure we want to get something done and WHAM!! there it goes all over again.I can only hope you are taking a well deserved rest tonight.I'm even going to take a a nice shower after Andrea's fantastic suggestion.
god bless you and your best intentions. Having gone through this disappointing experience I'm pretty confident you can take this as a reference for yourself in the near future when you're trying to troubleshoot a decision to communicate with the man. I feel your pain so keenly. Protect yourself,protect yourself,protect yourself. What a noble woman you are to think of your children..that's the way it should be.I would also hope you think equally as much of their mother's state of mind. I can't count the times I felt I had to tolerate verbal abuse from my first son's A father in a desperate attempt at what was best for my baby;it seemed to be for nothing when the boy ended up concerned and trying to comfort a sad mother pushed to her limits.
I send you a tight hug as well. Good night and DO keep that phone off the hook.Nothing will change with his mindset...at this moment it seems anyway.Don't let him drag you into some crazy whirlwind.let him stay there to enjoy getting dizzy and sick by himself.
I sure can relate. When I was seperated from my husband I fought the urge to call and won.
But, when my cell rang with his # I would answer it. I would be right back in the muck and mire. Right back in the sickness and the pain and the chaos.
Time out my friend.
Be gentle with yourself.
remmebr No is a complete sentence.
There is no rush to anything. Live in today. If today at that minute answering his call is too destructive, let the call go. The silent feature on my phone I swear helped save my sanity.
In support my friend
megan
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
