Life can sometimes be very bittersweet. 

This evening my eldest daughter and two grandsons will be arriving from Germany to spend about a month with us.  What a joy that is going to be!

Tomorrow my youngest, a 13 year old son is going to court for a few delinquency issues that he has developed as of late.  Not so quite a welcome event in my life.

Sadly, when his father received his summons to appear in court with us he called to ask why he had to be there.... ugh

Secondly he stated that he didn't have any money..... about this time I told him that this wasn't about him but about his child who is having some issues and that he is still a parent whether or not he chooses to act on his parental rights or not.

And lastly, in his fustration he said that he will just tell the courts to send up the kid.... course I had to tell him that whether or not the kid deserves that, what was he as a father going to say if the judge asked him how much time he has spent with the kid in the past three and a half years..... (less times than you can count on both hands). 

So easily it is to engage in matters of distortion.  But also how wonderful to step back and keep that "S" on his forehead in order to restrain myself from really wanting to reach through the phone lines and choke him. 

But then there is the matter of the children....

My eldest daughter told me to leave him to her..... not a good idea as she can still be quite the rager.... hmmmmm I wonder who she learned that from.....(me).

My son wants to tell his father to just leave if he even bothers to show up tomorrow.  I told him it is a good thing to vent but to also keep that "S" on his forehead.  Resentments aren't very healthy for us, especially when we truly don't possess the power to change another person. 

I have to ask myself.... how have I taught my children to be victims over the years and how can I continue to impress on them that the changes I've made might not be able to remove some of the memories they have, memories I would rather they didn't have, but that reasoning things out with someone else who doesn't help us stay in our stinking thinking is what will improve thier lives too.  And yet to be understanding of the fustrations and helplessness they feel when they cannot get from their other parent what they would like to have.

As I have told my son....the choices you make, are yours.... you cannot use the excuse that "you are your father's son" as a reason for making poor choices.  Even though I do not like the way his father acts towards his children, today I know I have to keep the boundaries straight with the kids, regardless of how sick their father is.  It isn't my responsibility to "make up" to them what their father cannot give them, they need my guidance not my pity.  My responsibility is to continue to teach them to live in the reality of any given situation and to make rational decisions based on what is right for them.  The same responsibility that I have to myself regardless if the alcoholic is still drinking or not, regardless if the alcoholic is sober but still not being rational.

Today, I'm excited.  Tomorrow will be what tomorrow will be. 

Today I will see my daughter and grandsons that I haven't seen in almost 3 years.  Today I will embrace that moment.  In about 5 hours I bet I'll have a great big smile on my face, and possibly a few tears too, but tears of joy.

Tomorrow.... I don't need to go there today - that is for my HP to know and to take care of.