(((((iwishuheaven))))))

Please keep in mind how we are powerless over this disease.  You can no more control your brothers drinking than your sister-in-law (sil). Your sil has come to you because she can't control it and is searching for help--what you've done has helped her more than she knows and more than any talk you could have with your brother.  You've shared this program with her , she now knows she's not alone.  What a wonderful thing! 

If you haven't already read How Alanon Works for Families and Friends of Alcholics it is a great resource and one your sil could benefit from too.  I feel your burden of wanting to help, wanting to prevent your brother from going thru the loss of his family/daughter but the thing is you can't rescue him or prevent what he is doing to himself.  It's harsh, we don't want to see them lose out on such a precious thing, but he has put himself in this place.

My husband is my primary A (lol, seems like I have many of them) but my brother is also an A.  We have a good relationship.  I talk to him about the disease, he is willing to listen because I don't judge him, he drinks while we talk.  The best that I can do for him is to share that I am here should he ever make that choice to stop, but it's his choice.  I've shared with him how he seems 5 yrs behind my A husband -- as this is a progressive disease.  I look at him and remember how my husband use to be like that, and now is worse.  The thing is I've left the door open to communication, on occassion he may bring his drinking up, I know it bothers him.  But he's not ready, and he doesn't want to admit he is anywhere near like my A husband.  I am powerless, so I detach, let them both travel the road they have chosen.  If I interfer, try to prevent the pain of their own actions, than I am rescuing them and doing them harm.  How will they ever come to want sobriety if they are never allowed the dignity of facing their own consequences? 

This program reads easy, but is tough to practice, and it takes practice.  One day at a time.  Talk with your sil, explain your powerlessness -- and hers.  Read as much as you can about alcoholism and alanon.  And remember, it is not like your brother doesn't know his drinking is a problem, he just isn't willing to face it.  The best that you can do is offer your sil encouragement and let him know that if he ever decides he wants help, it's a phone call away.

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Alanon meetings 1-888-425-2666

Al-Anon Family Groups UK & Eire
61 Great Dover Street
London
SE1 4YF

Tel: 020 7403 0888

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html 

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

• Go face to face meeting & online meeting.


• post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

·        In this program u learn that u have choices. In Alanon we don’t give advice but only suggestions.

·        Set support system.  people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

• Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.