The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my ah came over today to spend time with the kids. the oldest headed off to sleep- away camp (first time!). so i left him here with the 2 younger ones to drop the oldest one off. that was all fine. i have been friendly to him for awhile now. just bitting my tounge and recognizing my feelings and letting them pass. so we have had some pleasent times lately. although, he is borrowing his mother's car so he has to be back at certain times. this too i have gotten used to. but today when i asked what time he had to go he said whenever. ok, so we go get ice cream and he puts the 2 little ones to bed. nice. he comes down and i just want him to leave so i can do my night time routine. he's stalling. we talk about tomarrow and what he wants to do as far as seeing the kids, etc. so, as he leaves he leans down and gives me a hug. i went so stiff. i had the feeling that he was getting the wrong idea but i am scared to talk to him about it. i am scared of his reaction and his abandoning the kids again. now that he is being semi- consistent. i hear the program in my head telling me that i have choices and i have nothing to fear. but still i am blocked in talking honestly to him about my feelings or my ideas. like being friends for the kids and for us. he has never had a friend. but maybe i am wrong in thinking that this senerio is even a future possibility. i mean he is a sick alcoholic. he has the emotional maturity of a 12 year old and that's on a good day. maybe i am expecting. what do y'all think?
I think sometimes we are so use to trying to figure them out, that we can't accept things for face value. Maybe he appreciates the peace that has been in your home when he visits and just wanted to give you a hug? Try not to over think it, accept it for what it was, a hug. If tomorrow you see that he moving in a direction you don't want to go, discuss it then. Say what you mean, mean what you say, just don't say it mean.
I am so glad that you can come here and describe your situation so well and work on it. Good for you. I make everything into a catastrophe so quickly so it is good for me to see others working through what would be impossible for me.
