The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so frustrated right now that I want to scream. My son leaves for camp tomorrow. Until today, I thought that my AH and I were both going to drive him there. (2.5 hours to New Hampshire) Well, now he is going to work instead. Ok, but he had just told me yesterday that he thought that the second job was something we could do together to spend some time together and that the money would go into the house stuff... guess not. Also, he had the opportunity to work at his regular job and make good money, but will pass that up to do the second job (repossess cars) which may not give him any money if he gets no leads. He just got the faxes yesterday, as he had said that he just told them that he would be willing to continue to to the work, but more locally. Apparently this was not the whole truth... he had been stringing them along, all the while telling me that he told them he would get back to them with an answer. So I am angry, frustrated, agitated, oh!!! the list could go on and on. And when I told him on the phone that I just could not discuss it any longer, he got and attitude with me!!!!!
Sorry, for the tone, it has been quite awhile since I have felt this way. It has also been awhile since I have counted on him for anything.... expectations lead to resentment! I expected him to be there, to follow through, to be telling the whole story, to want to see our son off to camp, to make good financial decisions if he was going to blow us off.... boy o boy, what a bunch of resentment just waiting to explode...and then comes the part where I feel like none of these things are out of the ordinary to expect from a normal marriage....guess that was a pink cloud bursting again!!!
At times I am baffled by the choices my "A" makes. The ones that don't make any sense to me. And the ones that affect me and the kids, I have a tendancy to lose my temper.
No matter how much I want to, i have no control over his choices, and the powerlessness of that can be depressing for me. My "A" is active so the idea of him making bad choices is not earth shattering. The idea of my "A" making completely selfish choices is common. That doesn't make it any easier.
I have learned to not count on his making money, if he does and I see it, I normally put it away. I don't make promises to our children about him. I leave the promise breaking to him, and since he does that often he has that to fix later.
I am sorry that your "A" has disapointed you. You are not alone.
I think it is great that you came here to vent. I know at times having this board to vent on is all that keeps me sane on the days that I can not get to a meeting.
I hope you have a safe journey when you take your son to camp.
Much Love,
__________________
"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
I found it very very very hard to grasp that the A lied all the time. I also found it hard to understand why he could not talk at all about his feelings. Now I know that lying seems to go along with the disease. I can imagine your disappointment. I think it is signficant that you have not been there for a while. I know you are not perfect neither am I. My shouting at the A is way way down. My holding a resentment is way way down. My counting on him is way way down. My looking elsewhere for support is up.
I am glad that you could come here and express yourself and be heard. That is one of my true gripes with the A - he hears nothing ever.
Normal Marriage ???not possible we are married to alcoholics drinking or sober the biggest mistake i alwys made was to expect my husb to act normally , but later thought what in hell would i know about normal anyway hehe. Lower yur expectations about your hubby and accept whats offered .
enjoy the drive tomorrow with your son and stop and smell some roses on your way. Keep the focus on your own needs and u will be just fine.
this may help you Ifound I was m uch calmer when I could start accepting and stoped expecting . found it in a old forum alone time ago .
