The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am determined to send you a post relating only to me and my efforts to recovery. So many times, my posts dwell on what was done to me. Bull..... I am an adult, and should be saying, I allowed this to penetrate my serenity.
But, when I fall away from the program, for any length of time, the focus slowly falls from ME and my recovery, and to the ones who are screaming for my time, my attention and my focus.
Tomorrow I leave for a 13 day trip, alone (please HP). Today, with packing my trailer and personal needs, I pretended I was leaving forever. After all this time, I have very little emotional connections to my home, and the possessions therein. I'll be staying at an vacant apartment, so packed extra skillets, towels, sheets, tv, etc....so really, I have the choice of leaving and never returning. There's not much chance of that, but it was fun and liberating to day dream awhile.
Though today is one of my busiest days of the year, today I took that first 1 1/2 hour of the day, and did my yoga for the first time in ages!!!! Then, I meditated a bit, ate breakfast, and took a scented spa-type shower. What a treat not to rush to get busy for the day. I think I'll gain that hour in the serenity I gained from focusing on my needs.
I'm hoping to attend a f2f while I'm alone out of town! Haven't been to one in over 2 years. That would do me a world of good.
Okay....that's about all I can write without switching the focus to all that is bad in my life. Just wanted to test myself to see if I can mind my own business.
Thanks to all of you, as in the past couple of weeks I have been able to turn to my own needs.
Yoga is awsome isn't it? I have tried other work outs and there isn't anything that beats good ol' yoga! It really sounds like you pampered yourself!!!! Makes me feel like rushing home and painting my toes!!HA, I have been procrastinating on that one for a month now with old toe polish that's chipping and scuffed up..yuck
Have a good and safe trip! Try to live in the now...not past or future...and go to a f2f!!!
I hope you have a wonderful trip. Last summer when my husband was active I took off to my cousin's 20 acre sanctuary. It was wonderful.
I have to say though, as I got closer to home my gut started churning. I never did find the solution to that. After having such peace for 2 weeks and not worrying about a thing, to know what I was walking back in to was pretty overwhelming.
It wasn't quite as bad as I imagined. He wasn't here passed out.. I had called on his cell when I was about an hour away and told him I was close to home. He was at the bar (no big shock). Then those expectations creeped in. He would surely be there when I got home to greet me after 2 wks absence. NOT!! He was still at the bar when I got home and stayed there for another few hrs. I soooooooooo wanted to turn around and go back..lol Anyway...geez, not sure why I even went there.
You have a ding dong diggity time :) Try not to leave too much dust as you hightail it outta there.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Wow, you said it loud & clear in your first parapgraph & GOOD FOR YOU
Being 38 & ACOA ~ I havs some horrid days keeping the focus on myself, like it is a wrestling match within. Lately, coming back to the Boards daily, remembering to surrender my negative feelings or thoughts & especially the old habits of (not) MYOB & not thinking of 'them' really keeps me from sinking & allows me to stay strong in my own resolve to stay on track. It has also helped a lot of the guilt to subside. I am entitled to think of 'me' just like every other healthy & functioning person out there does!!!
I love how you nurtured yourself, took it slow & relaxing ~ I hate to rush anyway ~ it is such a huge contrast from our pasts & it sounds like you were really present in the moments you were doing that but doing yoga (ever) you know that that is exactly what it helps you to do. Taking back your serenity 5 minutes or an hour at a time definetely has a huge pay off for us.
I also loved how you "just pretended" you were doing something else (or someone else) that's a great reminder to me as I am working to re-discover myself, as a kid I used to imagine those sorts of things all of the time, I love it & it gave me some ideas. Clynically, if we just imagine we are in a relaxing spot (say alone at a waterfall) we DO become physiologically relaxed. Just the very idea I can use my imagination (once again) to transform myself into wtvr state (of mind/health) I want to be is SO effective & fun ~ OMG ~ thanks for the reminder again! It kind of brings to mind 'Fake it 'til you make it' - I admit I used to not like that one a whole lot, it felt dishonest but for even 5 minutes to start I can imagine, nothing bothers me, I'm the most important person in my life w/out guilt or hopelessness & I will be acheiving it completely
I hope you have a great vacation, take great care of yourself, love yourself, have a fun & peaceful time soaking in all of the glorious 'present moments' fully.
God Bless.
Love, -Kitty of Light
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
You go for it! And take me along as an imaginary stowaway! I always wanted 'my space' from my spouse...never knew how to get it except through alanon. Always wanted that trip.....or him to 'go away' for a few days. He's not drinking now, but he did take a trip for 6 days to see his sister......and I must say....YIPPEE! For the first time in 4 years, I could hear myself think straight! If I had moods or issues--- I could talk myself out of the moods, and solve my huge issues all by myself (which were not that huge after all!) Sometimes change of environment OR change in our environment is medicinal and beneficial!
and stayed there for another few hrs.
