The material presented
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level.
Just wanted to post a quick update on how things have been going. My AH and I have been reconciled for almost a month now. Things are really going ok. There are bumps in the road but I think we are both doing our best to handle them as they come along. We started to see a counselor last week, second meeting is tomorrow. I am really glad about this, as I find it difficult to talk about somethings and hope that with the counseling we will be able to communicate better.
I am so proud of the progress my husband is making/has made. We had to take our son to the ER yesterday (4 stitches from a rowdy birthday party mishap) It was the first time either of us had been back to this particular ER since my husband was ther 6 months ago for the suicide attempt that led him to recovery. I asked him shortly before we reached the hospital if he was ok, he said yes. Then when we were in the ER, asked him again, he did not look ok. Said he was just a bit anxious. Later that night he shared with me that the first time I asked he really did not realize that I was talking about him, thought that I meant that I thought he was nervous about our son. He then told me that once he pulled into the parking lot it all started to come back to him. It is odd, we have never sought medical care for our sons at this particular hospital (even though it is the closest), however, my AH had three very difficult visits there in about a 10 month stretch last year. Anyway, I am glad that he was able to tell me how he was feeling and that I was able to as well. I told him that the place reminds me of just how powerful this disease is. A sane, healthy person would not have picked up again after his first visit there, having been beat unconscious and left in a parking lot of a bar in freezing temperatures. However, he did. Then ended up the twice more for suicidal tendencies. Through all of that, I developed a greater understanding for him and for his illness. I guess our HP had to take both of us there for us to get it.
I really did not realize that that was where I was going with this share, but HP took the keyboard. LOL I think I will just sit with these thoughts for a bit.
So glad that your husband is in recovery. Congrats on your family's recovery too!
My AH (recently sober) reminded me that each addict has his/her own rock bottom, not neccessarily what we think it should be. I thought that the first time my hubby went into rehab he would get it. Then I thought well maybe after his relapse and crashing his car. NOT! This time around is different. He says it's his rock bottom and that he knew those other times weren't. Something was very different for him. Knock on wood (or the computer ), this one will stick.
I found that going to AA meetings with him, making time to talk at the end of the day, and doing our daily readings has helped us tremendously. We grow closer by the day. Granted we can get on each others' nerves (hey I'm no peach to live with) but we are each using our tools that have been given to us to try harder. He's starting to see what it's been like for me, and I am seeing it from his side. We have found one AA group that we go too, and when I don't go they ask for me! That has made me feel very good. They have made me feel welcome. It also helps me understand his disease from their side. After the meeting, some of them will ask me for my perspective.
I have noticed that my A can bite back a little. His fear is that he may become a "dry drunk". I highly doubt that. But I know his barbs are not truly directed at me. That he just needs to vent. Hopefully you and hubby will be able to work things out. The readjustment to living without the alcohol is hard. All those emotions coming out and learning how to deal with them is difficult for both.
Keep focusing on your recovery and being good to you. You'll be just fine.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Surrering from suicidal ideations myself (ACOA) I can understand why an A might attempt such a thing after being beaten within inches of their lives & left for dead ~ the hopelessness, guilt is overwhelming - couple that with the inability & compulsion of being an A (which I can't fully imagine) but I do know my own pain over the last 22 years... my 'old tapes' & negative self-talk, I do it to myself sometimes, the thoughts of worthlessness or that you deserve to die.
I have such compassion for anyone that has attempted suicide b/c I know exactly what a dark, deep hole it is. I'm grateful we are still here (((hugs to your AH))) & thank God for sparing us.
As far as your title goes... I think we all have our own "bottoms" we certainly have our own slips. If I don't work diligently on focusing to keep my thoughts positive, the littlest thing can turn me into a downward spiral of very tragic thinking. I'm not an addict but I have used b4 to try to help me forget &/or cope, escape my feelings & it never works for me. Addictions & depression run in my family ~ God forbid I talk about mental illness (makes my parent's nuts to hear) but it is a reality & talking about it gets it off of my chest/heart & out of my mind.
37 years of 'programming' & now I am trying very hard to bring my mind to a more enlightened place. It's amazing, I know I have a lot going for me but I still have trouble appreciating myself & the ideations, which I often refer to as 'mind weeds' are just part of that programming ~ habituated thought. At least these days I can snap out of it a little faster, telling myself "these are NOT thoughts of coping" (d'uh) & I so want to overcome it.
I thought I reached my bottom, only to find it slips - moves. Maybe it is just HP allowing me to determine my own resolve & stay on the path of recovering my spirit & mind from the psychological abuse ~ I definetely believe this is a disease that damages our souls... how else could I be so weak for myself & yet so giving to others ~ it just doesn't make any sense. I guess it effects us all differently, since we are individually evolved souls with unique spiritual realities & perceptions.
I am grateful for the littlest of miracles & esp all of the ESH shared here, it truly helps a lot.
I pray we all recover, God help us all. Amen.
Love, a friend in recovery, -Kitty of Light
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
We and they "get it when we get it". I've been married to my A for 20 yrs. In that time I thought his bottom just HAD to be there about 10 times. My A's final bottom was pretty severe, but there were instances in our past that were actually worse and he just kept on drinking..
As far as MY bottom... I'm sure people said the same about me. How much BS will she endure before she leaves? How could she stay after he did that? It all depends on the definition of bottom and perspective.. We think THEY should have reached their bottom 10 times over... Then there are people that think the same about us...
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
), this one will stick.