The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just to let you all know I'm still waiting for the phoneline to be fixed. have begged and pleaded and been made countless promises but things are notoriously S....L.....O.....W here.
I do venture to the internet cafe and avail myself of the chance to at least try and read some posts.....it's a slow process and my time is up before I know it.Sadly,not much time to reply to any posts that touch me but please know you are all in my thoughts and prayers.
The two weeks with my daughter flew past in a blink of an eye,but it was Sooooo good to be with her and we had fun together.She enjoyed swimming with my young pup,Ruby,and we both laughed helplessly watching the little monster digging huge tunnels in the sand and trying to make her way to Australia!!!
I'm heading back to the Uk in two weeks for the birth of my first Grandbaby and will be away for two months. Can't wait.Sadly,no internet connection there either but I will try and find time to seek out an internet cafe there,in between looking after the new Mum and the piles of nappies which will no doubt keep me busy.
A is still drinking and cussing me for "abandoning" him. I keep my distance and try to remember he is very sick and manage to not get too upset. I still love this guy with all my heart,but have accepted our fate. Without a strong programme and psychological help,nothing will change.I handed it all over to HP and keep A in my prayers.Last I heard he has been offered a better job near Istanbul and will be moving up there 3 weeks from now.He says he will prove he can make it without help from anyone and that I will see what I lost!A didn't work for three years and hasn't held down any job for longer than a month so...............
I met up with his AA sponsor last week and we had a good talk. He is of the opinion that my A will never stop drinking and that he has a lot of other problems besides being an alcoholic. Gently pointed out to me that the chances of A getting the help he really needs here is very slim and that I have to take care of me,because A will happily sit back and let others take responsibility for the messes he gets himself in.Maybe he still hasn't truly hit bottom yet,and maybe he never will in time to make any real progress.AA guy confided that the small group were all of the opinion that I did the very best I could,and that they were supportive of my decision to part.They feared for my safety,and were worried about A "losing it" since he refuses to share and,in their view,hasn't truly surrendered.He was attending AA but they could see he was "switched off" and they were in no doubt A expected them to rescue him from the painful process of recovery.I guess he was, and still is,very afraid to face up to the disease.
My daughter brought me two books I ordered but couldn't get posted here. "Courage to change" and "Co dependant no more". I'm devouring them!!!LOL.
I've made some positive changes.It's been hard.....am so used to caring for others(I'm not a codie..........much!!) it's quite a challenge for me to think about me. When invites come my way to go out and party....I'm accepting them all.Then try and talk myself out of them....then pray earnestly not to "bottle out". I'm proud of myself that,to date,I've attended every single one and forced myself to enjoy them. It's not been easy,but I'm getting there.
On days( and there are many) when I am filled with a yearning to see A or hear his voice,I get my butt to an internet cafe and read,read,read.it keeps me focussed,and reminds me why I have to be strong and walk the walk.
My "God box" is much used and a great source of comfort.I remember someone saying "If i worry....why pray? and if I pray......why worry?" Great advice! It works for me. This wonderful programme is so simple.........but it sure as hell isn't easy.I have to keep reminding myself about the progress not perfection thing,and think sometimes I am too hard on myself.Still have those moments when I think of all the shattered dreams and the tears flow.Now I don't try to fight them.I let them come and feel the pain and try to remember why I am here in this programme.Then give thanks.
((((((((((((((Love and hugs to you all))))))))))))))
((((Chris)))) so glad to hear from you. I remember you lived in Turkey, and was curious as to why, so I read some of your old posts. Wow, your life sounds just as crazy as mine is sometimes. Ah, those eggshells! I know them too well.
We are thinking of you also. Someone asked in Chat the other day if anyone had heard from you. You have lots of people praying for you and wishing you all the best.
Congratulations on the birth of your first grandbaby. I am a step-grandma to a 2 year old, and the love I feel towards that little girl, just brims out over my heart. When I am having a bad day, I think on her, and her sweetness and innocence, and that smile that will just melt my heart.
Am so glad to read your post, and glad you are at least able to get to the internet cafe. It must be terribly hard to be without all the resources most of us take for granted.
I was so happy to read your post. I have thought about you so many times and wondered where you were and how were doing. I have missed you and was hoping you were okay. It's so good to know that you are learning to take care of you. You deserve that. I can only imagine how difficult it must be not to be able to just come online for the love and support you need here. Just know that I and many others are praying for you. Please continue to take care of you! I'll look forward to hearing from you when you can post.
Great to hear from you again. Am glad to hear you and Ruby are doing well, Louie is good too. Are you taking Ruby to the UK with you? Maybe you will enjoy your time there so much you'll stay. LOL! So you can at least have a phone line!!
You take care GF, enjoy your new Grandbaby and most of all take care of you. I bet you can find an Alanon meeting in the UK too! Wahooo!
Have a great time, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Glad you had a great time with your daughter. We've missed seeing you. It's very lonely without you. I can just picture Ruby splashing in the water. Hmmm... maybe her and Pipers Kitty can go for a swim. As I write this she is out in the rain chasing a chipmunk.
Enjoy the time with your family and the new baby. I'm sure you'll be kept busy spoiling your new grandchild. Miss talking to you my friend. Give Ruby an extra big rug and scratch for me.
Love and blessings to you and your family. We love you!
Live strong,
Karilynn, Pipers Kitty & Hubby
P.S. I'll doggie sit!
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I am so happy to hear how you are doing. I hope that your dog Ruby is doing well. I also hope that you will be able to check in lots from the UK. I do think it is great that you are keeping busy. I used to wonder what that was all about when I first came here. I realise now it is so essential for my self esteem to keep busy.
A didn't work for three years and hasn't held down any job for longer than a month so...............
I can just picture Ruby splashing in the water. Hmmm... maybe her and Pipers Kitty can go for a swim. As I write this she is out in the rain chasing a chipmunk. 