The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am on the verge of just taking off to another country and leaving EVERYTHING behind. I'm so tired of everything and everyone around me. I have to deal with my AH and his nasty comments to me. I am having trouble with my seven year old son. He's ADHD and on Ritalin to try to control it. I think we found the right dose and it was working, until his dad (my first AH) decided it was working and took him off of it without talking to the doctor. His dad will give him an extra dose the next day if he's had a bad day for him or skip a dose if he's had a good day the day before. It's all messed up and my son is pretty much out of control now.
Then to make things worse, I have to deal with my current AH. When he gets stressed, he drinks more and more. Then he cuts me down and everyone in the house is mad at each other. It's a terrible cycle.
Also, I have no money and part of that is because of late fees we owe because my AH doesn't contribute his share. He gets laid off and drinks up his unemployment check, which is small enough as it is. It's so small because he owes a lot of money and a penalty for taking unemployment when he was working.
I'm sick of my main job. I have to work two part time jobs to pay for the gas to my main job. I can't carpool because my schedule is messed up. I'm a social worker and I had to cancel on a client today because I just couldn't deal with his problems on top of my own. I couldn't deal with his non-stop talking and going into details about cars. I could care less about the intricate parts of a car motor.
I am so sorry to sound so whiny and depressing, but I have no one else to talk to. My mother died four years ago and she was my sounding board for everything. My friends have their own issues and I just don't want to burden them.
I wish I could give you a big HUG! I'm so sorry things are crazy. I know the feeling. I wish right now I could run away too! I daydream a LOT about just packing it up and moving to Mexico and living on the beach!!! No one would know where I was...
I guess the only thing to do is to try to take care of yourself, do nice things for yourself, and talk to someone else, definitely. I know that when I am feeling like nothing will help my mood, I try to help someone, and that usually brings me up. It is nice to know that you are not alone in your problems, we all have them, and to be grateful for the things and friends that you do have. I know it is hard to get up out of that hole when you are there, but important to reach out and ask for help. Can you go to a face to face meeting? I know I feel TONS better after I go, and I always hear something I need to...
Please hang in there, and remember to pray... that helps also. Quiet time for yourself if you can get away. I hope things improve... but I know when I've been there, I have to take ACTION to get out of that rut, and it is really hard, but it does work!!!
I know how frustrating all of this can get and I wish I could make it all disappear....
Things will get better. They always do. There are alot of times I feel that way and I feel so overwhelmed with everything but I always have this voice in the back of my head that says, "I only give you as much as you can handle" This is my HP telling me that I can handle everything that is taking place at that moment. I then have to figure out how to put a smile on my face and know that HP is there and cares so much. It takes a strong person to go through what you go through...or what we are all going through. Hp gave us this board to vent too. Do something good for yourself because you deserve it. Take a nice hot bath or do what you do to relax. Take this one day at a time today
Your not going crazy your living with active A'ism. No way to figure all this stuff out on your own. You wrote " I have to deal with AH and his nasty comments to you". Hmm... do you? I too live with an A who has been verbally abusive. This program has given me the tools to use when he becomes beligerent and abusive. No I don't have to deal with it or take it. No one has the right to verbally abuse you or anyone else. Someone here once asked me if I allowed anybody else to talk to me that way? Of course not!!! I'd walk in heartbeat. Now when he says something hurtful, I let him know how inappropriate and hurtful that was and walk away leave him to deal with his own miserable feelings that he so desperately wants to project onto me. I'm a social worker as well. I know exactly how you feel when your life seems so topsy turvy the last thing I ever want to do is listen to someone else's problems. Some days I have to have my own mental health day because I feel completely toxic.
Be good to you Lindy, remember you can only take one day at a time, one minute if need be. Choose what you are willing to deal with and what you aren't. The stress is there no doubt, you have the power and control to allow yourself to choose what stress is yours to take and what is his and other's to deal with. I have to remind myself daily what's mine and what's his. I'm trying really hard to apply the slogan Easy Does It, the less stressful situations I put myself and the kids through the happier I am the happier they are too. I hope you have a restful stress free weekend!!!
Hugs,
Twinmom~
__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
You're not going crazy -- you've just got alot on your plate and you see how it needs tending to. If you're like me, you're the care taker and who takes care of us? When it gts to a certain point, I feel can't take much more and I start to feel way out of control and depressed. . I agree with everyone else...be gentle with yourself and do something simple but helpful for you -- bath, read, meditate.
I also agree with setting boundaries w/ the bad tempered talk. Now, I don't put up with it anymore. I try to calmly but firmly say, "Please don't talk to me like that. I don't deserve to be talked to like that. Do you talk to your co-workers/extended family/ friends (I name a certain person so he gets the picture in his head of how he actually talks nicely to that person) that way?" Then I throw a little reminder: "I am your beloved, your wife. You say you love me -- then let me see it in how you talk to me." You don't have to deal with it or tolerate it, you can set a boundary..and if it persists, you can leave the room/leave the house.
Last thing, in my experience, when things have gotten get really crazy-like for me, I've tried to repeat the Serenity Prayer (over and over and over and over!), naming specific situations, places, people.
One more prayer -- I've prayed for a miracle or an angel to come to me... b/c I know I need help big time. When I've felt that low, it's when I'm most humble and open and usually, a miracle of some sort happens -- some situation just works right and blows me away and an angel or two shows up, in the form of a friend, some help from a stranger, an encouraging word from an unexpected person... just someone being nice can help me feel better and help me get some perspective back.
Lindy, when you can,take some time for you alone and your HP... sending you warm thoughts and hugs,
Lindy - I've had those times, too. That's why I think it's a brilliant idea to go to a different country. Maybe we could just start one. Grown-ups getting away from an unreasonable situation. I like the fantasy - thanks!
