my brother - Al-Anon Family Group

sister3 · Newbie

my brother

annmarie · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi sister,
welcome! I thought for years too that I knew all the behaviours of addiction having worked in the area etc. I thought I was too aware to be codependant...or something silly like that!!
But it's only recently that I'm coming to realise that I am codependant myself. This is a strange realisation. But with it comes a freedom....a way out of the destructive cycle I invariably find myself in.
Always had some strange idea that I was just a caring person....couldn't admit that I maybe cared tooo much, often hurting myself and simply allowing too much unhappiness in my life, in the meantime.
Now I've decided to take care of myself. I still care, I still love my A ofcourse, but I now realise I have to look after myself first.......otherwise I won't have any energy left to care for anyone else.

I hope you find what's the right way for you.
AM

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Alanon meetings 1-888-425-2666

Al-Anon Family Groups UK & Eire
61 Great Dover Street
London
SE1 4YF

Tel: 020 7403 0888

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.
post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· In this program u learn that u have choices. In Alanon we don’t give advice but only suggestions.

· Set support system. people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

Rita G · ~*Service Worker*~

Sister,

So glad you found MIP - it has been a great web site for me - I hope you enjoy it also.

For me the "book" knowledge I have of this disease, can no way prepare me to deal with a loved one's alcoholism or addiction. Some of my closest friends have been professional counselors in this field and are in the same boat as I in dealing with loved one's that are alcoholics/addicts. All that knowledge sometimes doesn't helps us, when we are so close to that person. Anyway, that just reminds me that I defintely need to keep my focus on my own Al-Anon recovery and off of the Alcohlic/addict.

Keep coming back,

Rita

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

hello Sister3,

Welcome! Glad you are here. My brother is not an alcoholic but did have bad depression problems a few years ago. It was hard to watch him suffering so much for over a year. I can understand your wanting to help and the struggle to maintain a balance of letting him find his own way. I wish you the best!

Jennifer

sister3 · Newbie

Yes i have always labeled myself as codependent...so I know how I am. But there is a time to get strong and face the issue head on. I am tired of pretending there isn't an issue with my brother. My parents are in denial. I feel like we walk on eggshells and everyone has an excuse for his behavior EXCEPT that it is a drinking problem. He was in the hospital with pancreantitis (29 and has pancreantitis....BIG OBVIOUS SIGN OF ALCOHOLISM!!!!) and I finally came out with everything and all my insight and knowledge of his alcoholism and they still choose to not believe. My mother does, but then again she grew up in an alcoholic family so she is a lifer when it comes to enabling. Alot of the responsibility lies on me when it comes to all my siblings addictions....now my dad thinks my sister is doing something---diet pills---she is too skinny...which she is...BUT...he wants me to take care of it...watch her...make sure she is okay. Soooo all next week on vacation I will be watching her and watching my brother and making sure everyone else is "okay". Honestly I would love to drink and binge and fall back into my anorexia ways....it is comforting to be in control of what you put into your body. BUT I know better. I try to fill myself with the positive ...and that is where I get my strength, from reading and talking to Him, my HP. Soooo that is what i will do. Take my reading material and relax in Him.

sister3 · Newbie

Thank you everyone for the insite and the advice....you are right. It isn't about the book knowledge, but I am finding it is about the experiences and the things we are going through with the addiction. I do know I can't make him get the help, just continue to put it out there and hopefully he sees the need to get clean and WANTS the help..... he has been there several times, it is just jumping at it and moving VERY quickly to help him follow through. Thanks for the wisdom you have sent....Tina

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.