The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I did it...I gave my A an ultimatum. Me, or the booze. This Saturday we are going to sit down and hash this all out. I told him I'm tired of never going out to the movies on a Saturday night or going to hear a band because he is all tied up at home copping a buzz. Wish me luck!
Good luck wishes to you! My experience with that is this: my AW of 15 years and 2 children had gotten to the point where the disease controls her thoughts and emotions. When I mentioned that I didn't know if I could continue to live with her if she couldn't stop drinking a year and a half ago, she said fine... go.
I was blown away at the time, but had nobody to talk to about it. Now that I have this program and all the information and understanding of what's really going on, I see that many things that come out of her mouth are not really hers... they belong to a cunning and powerful disease.
Today I don't believe she wants me to go, not even sure she really wants to keep drinking... she just can't stop by herself and she knows it.
But I have a close friend that did the same thing and his wife went to a treatment center, and AA and is doing better. So... like I said, wish you all the luck in the world and hope it works out.
Do you attend meetings? You know if he does quit, or if he doesn't, this program can help you with what follows and it's very important for you to take care of you. You are your biggest responsability....(taking me a while to figure that out)
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Good luck! Here's what I've been learning from living with my AH. I make a lot of threats, but I have never followed through. I think if you tell him you are leaving, make sure you follow through. Otherwise you will continue on this rollar coaster ride of things being alright for awhile, the drinking starts again, you have a huge fight, you hash it out, he promises to quit drinking because you are threatening to leave. I've been in this cycle now for almost two years. I wish you luck and stick to your guns!
Anita, I hope you get what you wish for. In my experience, ultimatums didn't turn out as I had hoped...and so somehow I would weaken and lower my demands. Ofcourse ultimately I was unhappy with this, and resentments would creep in. I'm fed up giving in now, and now know that I have to put myself high up on the priority list. It took me a long time to find my strength. I hope you're smarter that me, and put yourself first!
I too have gave my AB the same choice and he would cry and carry on and tell me he wants me and not the booze. I would stick by him and help him thru the withdrawls of not having booze. He would then stop the vodka and never the beer. He never got rid of that, my anger and resentment would build into an arguement. I am not going there to have him tell me again that ........ he wants to build a life with me and no longer wants to drink. I have always told him ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS......... I need to practice what I preach.....
Thank you all, for your hugs and good wishes. My husband knows me...he knows that I will do exactly what I say. I am financially independent and I have a low tolerance for B.S. I am very confident that he will choose me, but if he doesn't, or if he screws up? He's out. I love him to death, but this is ridiculous. I think sticking around and coddling him would cause more harm than good. I did go to some Al-anon meetings a few times, but everybody just sat around and griped, which seemed counter productive to me. Maybe it was just the club house I was at.
You DO sound strong!! My AH knew I meant business too---I left Memorial Day weekend. He begged me to come back and I told him to either call AA or a realtor so we could sell the house and I could get on with my life. He's been sober since and we are together taking it one day at a time. I hope you have the same results.... I believe you mean it! And btw--if he agrees to your requests, it is still a hard row to hoe!
