Today has been tough. Last nite I did a sleep study test. The paper work trigger the past for me. One question asked to underline words that describe yourself. Lazy, no good, deadbeat, on & on for almost a whole paragraph then the descriptions started getting better and more positive.

Well, growing up those first three words were my (irrational) fathers favorite words to use for me. Mostly from my teenage years then when I was 32, He did it again. I lived with him. I paid for everything. He was an ass in public. totally humilated me in a crowded resturant. ( I will talk more about that another day) I never came back home after work that next day. He started telling anyone who called asking for me that description of me, plus I was a drug addict because he snoped in my belongings and found my antidepressants & anxiety medications. I had several friends later tell me he said that to them & one of them was a freind who was also an employee at the public storage place calling reminding me to pay my bill. Needless to say I have not spoke to my father since 1992. I was given one day to move my stuff. ( I am working on moving on & forgiving him) So those words I read upset me more than I thought last nite & today. Even though I know they are not true.

I treated myself good today. I talked to a close friend for awhile before I left the hospital. I got gas at 2.63 a gallon. At home it is 2.79 a gallon. I had breakfast at McDonalds. I got my hair cut , washed, & blowdried. I was told I looked like I was in my early 30's instead of 46 that I am. I went to the library. I got on the computer for about an hour. I found some movies to check out. Really cool for poor folks. get a library card & check out movies for 2 weeks for free. Some of the movies are not that old. I am liking the foriegn films.  I went shopping at Walmart.  lol I saw  an old friend at Walmart. I have not seen her in over a year. I invited her & her fiance to come see us on Saturday. She said they would. Her fiance is some nice eye candy. Keuna Reeves lookalike sorta but not too bright. I ate late afternoon again at McDonalds. salad & water. I went to KMart & got a watch & 2 belts for $5.35. I am a bargain bat.We can stretch a penny till it screams. I went to Sonic and got a chocolate malt & headed home. I was stiffling hot. I bet it was over 100 in my non air conditioned truck.( It used to have really cold AC but the mechanic lost the bracket that holds the AC on when the last engine was put in & frankly could not afford it. ) So I was still in a good mood. Then as I got closer to home. I felt it get cooler. I said thank you god! As I got  closer to home it started to rain a little. I could see it had rained & cooled off outside my home. I said Thank you again God. Tina was in a good mood & had grilled out dinner & was getting it off as I drove up. Yummy lol but I had already ate because I expected nothing when I got home. I ate a little bit. And the creme de la creme. I got all my furry babies all around me. I missed them.

Thanks god HP for another wonderful day! Thanks for my fellow alanon friends too.