The material presented
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to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I never thought my life would end up like it is. I always dreamed of being happily married with the house white picket fence, & the kids. Needless to say it didn't end up like that. I met my husband in highschool. I loved him unconditionally. As teenagers we did our share of partying. I never thought he would continue. I got pregnant with both my girls before we were married. He never treated me with any respect. People always asked me what I say in him. I really couldn't tell you. I was a pretty little brown haired girl, and he was a nerd. He was and still is a heavy drinker and smoker. We were married for three years. When I left him, our girls were 4 & 1 yr old. I was devistated, but knew I could not stay in that abusive marriage. He beat me, raped me, cheated on me, and even attempted to kill me on two occations.
When I got out of the marriage, I didn't have anything to do with men for many years. I spent my life for my girls. I also suffered from depression. Last July my girls left me to live with him. It has been the worst year of my life. My ex is turning my children against me. When my kids left me they took a part of me, that I will never get back. My oldest daughter doesn't have anything to do with me. My youngest daughter calls me sometimes. I feel like why even try anymore. I fell like my life is over. I am so lonely, I do not know what to do.
i am sorry for your pain.To lose a child or to feel like you have must be hard.Keep at it though.Make sure you are going to meetings find a sponsor and keep posting here.
I know it feels as if you are alone but you are not.It feels as if your life might be over it is just feelings they will pass.
Divorce is hard and is hard on kids and they get put in the middle and sometimes they are on dads side sometimes mom side but just keep letting them know you love them if you have vistiation visit with them write them call them and dont give up..dori
This happened to my sister too...with her son...and she too was heartbroken.
What she did was just keep being pateint...kept being loving...and sent cards and gifts and letters, even when he refused to call her or talk to her, not even to say thank you. She was saying "no matter what I have unconditional love for you...I love you even when you dont show that you love me back...my love is here, ready for you, when you are ready". She never gave up. And did this for nearly a decade before he started coming around and calling her and visiting her. Her ex-husband turned her son against her too and I am witness that she was WONDERFUL loving devoted mom...so, don't blame yourself, it can happen to anyone.
She knew sooner or later that her son would grow up enough to be balanced and be fair and give her a chance.
He is now 22 and it has been slow going...but he is coming around...
It takes kids a long time to mature enough to cut through lies and manipulations...
Stay the course...don't give up...the love you showered on your kids ws not a waste...it is still in their hearts.
(((((((((((((heartless))))))))))))))
Hugs for you during this very painful and difficult time. In the meantime maybe you can give of yourself to other children? Maybe join boys and girls club and help someone else? Sometimes that helps...it hurts to have so much love to give and wisdom to share and have no one to share it with. If you share it with someone else's child...that may soothe your heart some, that your love is still changing the world, one child at a time.
I don't know about your state, but in my state non-custodial parents have the right to get report cards mailed to them, and the right to visitation, and even parent -teacher conferences.
So, even if your daughters are being turned against you and don't feel like they want to visit, they really have to. They are just helpless victims in this mess, they probaly need to hear your side...
I know a woman who took a job in the school cafeteria to be near her daughter, who also did not want to see her at first, and yes this idea worked. She was able to see her mom with no pressure from the Dad...
Maybe you could even vlunterr in their classroom to help with special projects or field trips? During parent teacher conferences make yourself available, then call every once in a while to let the teacher know you are serious.
I know lots of parents this has happened to, mostly dads though. In some states you can get custody of your children for this, some states see alienating a child from the other parent as a form of emotional child abuse. See your divorce lawyer about the laws in your state.
Don't give up. Your relationship with your children may be a one way street for a while, due to their young and innocent minds being manipulated. Just don't give up sending them cards, gifts, and calling when you can. Let them know that you are always there for them and never stop loving them. There may be a time when they wantt o reach out to you and you want them to know that your arms will always be open to them.
Go to their school for conferences when school is letting out so hopefully you may see them, just smile at them, they may ask you why you are there and you will get to talk to them.
I hope you see your lawyer about this situation. I also hope things work out for you.
I would like to give you a big hug and wish you all them best. I don't have any personal experience in your type of situation but I think isabela40 offers some great advice.
Don't give up!!!
My brother divorced his wife and she turned thier daughter against him and he has lost all contact with them and I know how devasted he is about it all.
