The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just when I start to kind of pull myself together something my AH does comes back to bring me back down. I was starting to feel a little better today after the bad weekend I had.
I checked my checking account on-line just now and found four $29 overdraft charges on my account. My money is separate from my husband's so when the house payment is due, I send the check in and he writes a check for his half of the payment to give to me. The mortgage is due on the 15th. Of course, he NEVER has the money to pay me for his half on time so we have to wait a lot of times to pay it and then we end up with their $50 late fees. I can't afford to pay it all myself and wait for his check. Anyway, I had this last check ready to go out, but needed to wait again. AH says he can't pay his half and will pay the late fee himself. He went ahead and sent the mortgage check anyway. Of course he doesn't care if I bounce checks. I can even imagine that he was hoping I would forget to ask for his half of the mortgage. Now I'm bouncing checks left and right. He didn't bother to give me his half until last Friday so I had to send that to my bank late and it's not there yet. Luckily, I called the bank and they were nice enough to reverse all the late fees for me.
I grew up in poverty and lived out of my car a time or two and that is the last thing I want. I am terrified of it. I went to college and struggled my way out of poverty. Now I'm in the lower middle class. It took every ounce of my energy to get here.
My AH makes pretty good money, but he never has any. When he gets laid off, he doesn't bother to try to find another job. A friend of mine even offered to pay him cash to drive pilot cars, but AH was too drunk and too lazy to do anything about it. AH sits in bars all day long and drinks and gambles his money away. Now he's completely broke; can't pay for anything and I get to pay the price.
He's also a master of the nickel and dime game. He says he'll pay for this if I pay for that and so on, but when I have a chance to look at it, I am being taken advantage of. He manages to somehow get the better end of the deal and I'm really sick of it. I feel like I'm being conned, but I can't see it right away. I have to dig for it.
I am resisiting the urge to call him and scream. I am boiling over with rage!
Ah...Lindy, you are so not alone today....I had the same checking problem...and I work myself to death it seems. Meanwhile, A is on golf outing number 3 for the week. I came on to vent myself, and just happened to check your message. I'm about ready to divide the bills and go to his & hers accounts too....all his money is his play money and mine should run the business and of course make sure the bills are paid (that he made) so they don't call his cell phone. I've no answers for you, but wanted you to know there are others in the same situation.
Hello Lindy , unfortunatley counting on a practicing alcoholic to keep promises and be responsible is a set up for dissapointment for us , but we keep on doin what we have always done and somehow are suprised that it didnt happen diff this time . that is our insanity.
Learning to count on yourself is a good thing , your past history shows that u know how to improve your life - Take care of your credit rating don't let anyone destroy it for you u worked too hard to obtain it. take charge of your own finances and let the chips fall where they may for the A. As long as we keep taking care o things they don't have to ever change.
Find yourelf a detachment pamphlet and work it . Life will get better
You have every right to be upset, addicts are the best at playing the con game. My husband use to con me right out of my last dime and then some...
My opinion is, get smart, wise up and try to be aware of the con before it happens... I know in my case, he just couldn't con me anymore....I felt like I was wide awake for the first time in a long time...and it's a good feeling..
Seperate yourself the best you can from his world, work on yourself....try to get tru one day at a time.....one minute at a time...it does get better....find youself some serenity.
Good for you for resisting to call & get into it with him, when you know he'll either blame you, deny it or create some lame promise.
Your last paragraph, answered your own questions... since you already know you aren't good at seeing where you're being robbed in the borrow from Peter to pay Paul scheme he often plays on you ~ just say "I'll think about it" next time & (basically) say "no" momentarily, so you can think clearly on it.
My mom would do the 13.62 cent thing on me growing up, all of my life & it would drive me nuts... it used to make me feel the same way. In retaliation to it, when I balance my own checkbook, I round up the next quarter or dollar, just so I don't have to "count pennies."
As a child I heard often "we don't have enough money" yet I was in private schools & dragged to so many classes, I could hardly breathe & stretch my wings my schedule was so tight & had my first "real" job (outside of the house) at ten years old. Working my whole life & sacrificing for my family has offered some rewards but not without a lot of manipulation & hardships along the way.
My parents have plenty of money (now) but the A gambles & I do feel jipped out of many hard years of devoted love & service, for both of them to have significant others & I feel I'm being cut out of the loop. The old me would say "stuff it" & allow myself to not be reimbursed just to play martyr & get away faster ~ only has hurt me in the long run. Part of me says, 'hey they are squandering my inhereitence ~ I was there working for pennies when no one else but family could be taken advantage of like that!
Well, it's all in a day's (life's) lessons.
I have to get it together ~ physical strength wise, so I can even work again. I'm trained in service industries, all of which (diverse) require serious labor. A year ago, I could easily lift 100 #, now 15 feels heavy
Good for you for putting yourself through college!!!
It is heart breaking to see them drunk, gambling & dying before our eyes ~ I can SO relate.
Take care of you.
Love, -Kitty of Light
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
