I noticed something about myself last nite in a meeting with the other caretakers of the elderly man I sit with.  I tend to feel like when someone brings up something that is not being done by one of the other caretakers, I immediately think that they are talking about me. It looked like she was looking at me. It got heated & loud at some points. I feel like I should not have to raise my voice & get loud to make my point. I refuse to do it. I talk at one tone & look around at everyone equally. If that person were talking about something I was not doing, well I took inventory & let it go. I could make a laundry list of complaints about the other care takers as well. however that will not resolve a thing. It will make enemies among those I work with.

My complaint was I am getting like 16, 25 or 28 hours now if I am lucky. Two of the others are getting 45, 57 & 66 hours. The house is relatively small & tidy,. It does not take a whole lot to keep it clean. but when I come in it does not look clean as it should be kept. Dishes have been left in the sink & drainer. I think I am the only one sweeping the porch.

As for the hours being given , I told the boss that I must have more hours or I will be walking soon. Our truck is a 1979 C-10 Chevy. It has its 4th engine & tranny in it. The front end is shot. It will cost $180 in labor & about $ 300 parts to fix. Well we don't have that kinda money hanging around. I was given 2 days to work anyway. 16 hours so last nite I took Saturday nite a 12 hours shift. I realized that the one of the two are getting the most hours because she just bought a brand new well in the 2000 years pickup truck. She drives the school bus during the school year. Well school is not in til the end of July so she is making up her loss that way. And she has been a long time friend with the boss. But who do they call when they need someone to fill in in a pinch? me of course. I sorta resent it but I need all the hours I can get.

I grew up being blamed for everything or so I thought. My father was like walking on eggshells. he was not an alcoholic but he could be an irrational person.it was unpredictable. So I did feel like I was the reason for him being unhappy for a number of years. It took many years of counseling to get over that.

 I think the daughter appreciated that I tried to find a solution than to yell or get loud to make my point. I remined calm. I did this before years ago. I was picked for federal jury duty. It was a boring trial it took 7 days. I was actually kinda nodding off some. Well, The evidence was there. But one man said he was not sure. so everyone else was frustrated with him. I calmly sat down with him & showed him evidence one by one & explained why the man charged was guilty. He finally agreed to 9 out of 10 of the charges. We were all happy & were able to end our duty. Of course, I got no credit but I felt good.

Sometimes he is in the same clothes he was in the last shift I worked. I started the end of March. He has a bed sore on his butt. It has gone from the size of a the top of your pinky to the size of a half dollar. So the complaint was alledged that someone is not washing poop off him before applying meds to his sore. Hmm, the meds say to apply 2 or 3 times a day. I can see washing him after a BM but each and every time? He can get up every half hour or once an hour. He sits a good 90 % & weighs close to 300lbs. I personally have never done this kinda work. I have no experience other than common sense. Fire me I do not care. I was not looking for a job when this one came along.

My mind is tending to go back to my past & think everything I am doing is my fault if someone complains about anything. I do think they must mean me. but now I am thinking there is no way that everything I do is wrong. I may be wrong some of the time but not all of the time.

sorry if I rambled and got away from my topic. I tried. I am working on staying focused. Thanks ya'll for being here.