Bad movie, lets change the channel - Al-Anon Family Group

Keoki · Member

Bad movie, lets change the channel

Rita G · ~*Service Worker*~

keoki,

You may never "make" her see what her drinking is doing, but you can start taking care of you. Find a f2f Al-Anon meeting, get with a sponsor, change what you can - You - You are worth taking care of!!

One day at a time,

Rita

rtexas · ~*Service Worker*~

Keoki,

I am glad you are here. According to my AW, she does everything and I do nothing, she drinks herself to sleep every night, has had an affair, lies about stuff that really doesn't even mean anything, hides beer, says she has only had a couple of beers when I can tell from her voice, eyes and breath that could not be true... but, I am slowly getting better by saying to myself, "yep, she does that".

Comes from the line Tom loves to throw out there. "They are either going to drink or not, what are you going to do..."

I have come to really like that. The more you remember that you are not here to fix her the better. You are here like all of us to fix what we can about ourselves for your sake and your kids.

We all love our spouses friends or family members, this disease wouldn't effect us at all if we didn't care about the people it had consumed. It really doesn't bother me that someone is begging on the side of the road. I feel no guilt no matter what that person says to me. But when my wife takes my statement of " ... I am afraid that you are slowly killing yourself..." and comes back with "... yes, but its all your fault!" it changes us. This is a family disease.

I don't suggest giving up on anyone. Giving up is really not an option for me. That is not to say that some day I may make a well thought out decission that us living together may not be for me. But that's not giving up either. That comes from me being well enough not to make decissions based on anger or dispair.

When I say I know how you feel right now, I really do. You should go back and read some of my posts from just a couple of months ago. It's not totally gone either, I just feel much better about the prospect of a better life now than I did. I am not there yet, but I found a map. ;)

I know you tried going to a meeting the other day. If you haven't yet, try again. It is really helpful. Keep posting and try to keep an open mind that there is sanity out there to be had, you just have to keep seeking it out.

Take care of you!

-- Edited by rtexas at 11:49, 2006-06-20

marchgrl · Veteran Member

Keoki,

They always blame us for their problems....it's up to us to love ourselves enough to see right through that. It's hard living with someone who is constantly trying to bring you down...trust me...i know. They do it because they are sick but they can change and you will know when that time comes. The best thing I did in my marriage was to work on me. I didn't give up on him...he did that...I just was trying to show him how to take care of himself by not letting him rip me apart. To show him what he was doing brought him to a point where he couldn't deny what he was doing to himself and he left me because our lives were too different and he wasn't willing to give up his overspending,drinking, and girlfriends.....I realized that there was nothing I could do but to keep growing because he didn't care about me..I didn't give up on him, he gave up me. It was the hardest thing I ever did was to work on me. My new husband adores me and he values everything I do when I try to improve myself and that is how its supposed to be and that is two people trying to work together makes it all work. Hang in there. The sun will shine soon

March

dori · Senior Member

Hi,

you didnt cause it

you cant control it

you cant cure it

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