The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
All the stupid cards out there used to drive me absolutely insane. Now that I don't have to get them/ can't get them anymore, I almost miss it. I've done a lot of I dunno what to call it, discovering lately. Everything's been insane, and things have gotten really hard to deal with. Ecspecially being new on the medication and stuff. I spent most of yesterday upset and crying too, I haven't been able to deal with all the stuff going on, and all of the stuff that has happened. I'm still trying to work through my PTSD and it's a really hard thing to figure out. I mean I get that the alcoholics have a disease, just like any other disease, but still it's so hard to believe that they can choose the drink over their so called "loved ones." I used to enjoy Father's Day because it was a day that my father was happy, and we didn't seem to have problems. But now that he's not around, the day just plain old hurts. I see my family getting together honoring my grandfather (also an active A) for all the "great" things he's done as a father, but again, I don't like him either. He treats his family like dirt when he's drinking. I think one of the hardest things is seeing little kids with their fathers, or seeing my family crowd around and honor my uncles (and other fathers in the family) on the day. I guess I feel left out. I'm really sick of everything being so hard. I felt like I was getting a handle on things until I found out that Deborah is taking the boys to Florida, that Blake (my youngest brother) has cerebral palsy, and that we all might have hepatitis because my father shoots heroin. All of that hit me on the same day, and it sent me into that horrible downward spiral. Anyway, for those of you who have your dad's around, count your blessings, it's the only way to keep sane. Also, even if your not usually a religious or spiritual person, turn it to your hgher powers, they're the only ones who can help. Sadly, you don't always recieve an answer, but it may just be the only thing you can do to keep from losing your mind.
I wish I had some magical thing to say to make your hurt go away. I really don't, but I believe that in time we are able to heal. My Father was also an A and was much like your grandfather. He was around, but you could never quite tell how the day would go based on his mood.
He has been sober for 15 years now and is still a bit of a dry drunk. I am thankful that he is sober and better that he used to be. My uncle died this year from complications from years of herion and other drug abuse.
It is all sad, used to really make me angry. After getting really upset about my wife and my oldest son I came here... learned alot about my closest family from a bunch of people who had never met them, and learned alot about myself. I now count the people I have met her in this program as part of my family.
It helps... and you are here now and have to know that we care. You have a lot of healing to do, but you are in the right place to get it started.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
