The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm so sorry. Too often the bottom for those that have this awful disease is death. Please try to find comfort in that he is finally free of it's grasp and has found peace.
Keep coming back for support in this difficult time.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Hi, just read your post, you have my deepest sympathy, i pray that with the help of your faith, family and friends you can get through this and start to recover, we're here for you,,hugs
My heart goes out for you as you are now living one of our greatest fears. I know that if you give your HP a chance he will see you through this. I've lost a son and I understand the pain that you are having.... such sorrow! One of my sponsees also just recently lost her A, also a case where no one had heard from him so she went to his apt. and was able to get his landlord to open his door... that's where they found him. This most difficult part of all this is to understand that you are not to blame.... that this disease is such a powerful force.... none of us are capable of defeating it by ourselves. Please reach out to those who can be with you during this time, to help hold you up and not put him down. He was suffering, as we all do... and also not powerful enough on his own to defeat this cunning disease. Hold onto the good that was in him when it could be. My prayers are with you!
Thank you all for your encouragement. I used my Al-Anon phone list for the first time today. Thank God for the program. I will do my best to stay strong. This too shall pass.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. This is one of my biggest fears, loosing my son to this disease.
I wish I had the right words to help you at a time like this. All I can suggest is trust your higher power to bring you through this. Your bf isn't hurting anymore, his pain is gone, try to find a way to take comfort in that.
HUGS
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
I would make the point, however, that you are NOT lost..... Good for you in posting here.... Grab onto your recovery right now.... it's hugely important....
The sad reality, is that what happened to your A is what happens when addicts don't find recovery.... they ultimately either choose to get better or die.... There really isn't an in-between.
Once again.... sorry for your loss, and please keep up your recovery - you are worth it!
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
The ESH you've had in response to your post says it all. What strikes me the most is that it is one of our greasted fears and we can feel you pain because we've all been bracing for it. You are in the right place for comfort so keep coming back and be sure to feel your feelings, they are part of healing.
I am so sorry. The people in Al anon will help you through this. I am glad you have reached out to them. When my mom died, the people in Al anon were so loving and gentle with me.
I am just so so so sorry. You will get through this. I did. It may not feel like it right now, but there is a time eventually when it wont feel this bad.
I hope you keep going to meetings and posting. It will help so much.
(((jacksmom)))) so sorry to hear of your loss. That is what most of us fear, I know I do. But, I also know, that no matter what, I am worth saving. You are worth saving. We all are. That's hy we keep coming back.
You have had some wonderful responses to your posts, and I hope you will take them to heart.
You have a home here, where you will be loved and accepted. You will learn so much here. Will keep you in my prayers, Jacksmom. And you are right, this too will pass.
As someone has already said "you are living our worst nightmare" at the moment . My thoughts are with you at this sad time in yor life good for you to reach out and use that phone list . You don't have to go thru this alone. Some times people just find it harder to live . Trite but true now he is at peace. ((((((((hugs)))))))
My deepest sympathies to you at this very hard time. Hold on to your HP and program. May he comfort you at this very difficult time. Know that he's at peace and is hurting no more. Remember the good times with him, and that he loved you depsite his addiction.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
This is my first post. I was so moved I had to reply to you. At times we all feel alone but you have done what we all need to do - you have reached out to others. Please continue to do so...you have our prayers and continued support here.
It was written about "Living our worst nightmare" and that this is something we have all "been bracing ourselves for". I honestly felt so alone in this feeling - thinking this could be the result, the phone call I'd receive and I didn't realize that I am not alone. I thank you for your reaching out and the responses you have evoked - you have allowed me to not feel so alone as well - I am thankful to you for that.
As a giant band-aid....I want to reach out, take this pain from you - and this is not something that I have the power to do. Please know that you are in my deepest, heartfelt thoughts.
Please reach out to your HP as I know your HP will guide and assist you. Although I am unable to take your pain, you can share it with your HP and know that you are not alone. I am so very thankful you have found this board and were able to reach out here as well. I've not run across a more wonderful group of people, sharing their ESH and encouraging recovery and kindness to all....
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Keep reaching out. It is in this time that you need to lean the most. Your higher power will see you through.
Someone shared this a couple of weeks ago on this board. I thought it might help.
FOOTPRINTS...A New Version
In a dream, you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace. But, your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures, and returns. For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends!
This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps. Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one. This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger. Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one.
This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints. You are amazed and shocked. Your dream ends. Now you pray:
"Lord, I understand the first scene, with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You."
"That is correct."
"And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps, following You very closely."
"Very good.. You have understood everything so far."
When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way."
"Precisely."
"So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first."
There is a pause as the Lord answers, with a smile in His voice.
Thank you so much for all of your kind words and encouragement. It has been 11 days since my he passed. It is amazing how supportive both of our friends and family have been, as well as people I have met only once or twice in the program. I wish I had the energy right now to share with all of you all of the amazing signs that his loved ones have experienced in the past week and a half, showing us that he is still here and that he is in peace. Also, looking back at the week before he died, it was like he knew and we all knew that this time was near. We live thousands of miles apart, and I flew back on an emergency trip to be with him before he passed. We spent 5 amazing days together, and he shared with me many wonderful childhood experiences that I have shared with his family. He kept telling everyone "I love you" who he cared about. He even tried to contact old friends to make amends. He did not want to die, it was an accident, but I believe his spirit was ready to go. I cannot tell you how important it is to me now that I was able (eventually) to show him unconditional love. I have now forgotten all of the bad times, and only remember the good. I wish I had spent every waking minute with him for the past 5 years. But he knew I loved him no matter what he did. He knows now that I am not angry about his death. Sad, yes, but I cannot be angry. He lived a full life and touched countless people in 27 1/2 years. Thank you all again. Please tell your loved ones how much you love them every chance you get.
I wish there were words that I could say to ease your pain. My 18 yr old nephew was killed last year while drunk and high on drugs. He not only lost his life but took with him my sister and her husband's will to live. They are lost and so sad. Step one says that we are powerless. Powerless over alcohol and the terrible losses it's use can cause. I will pray the HP guides you through this time of sorrow.
I heard one time in an AA meeting that some people will die in order to save some of us. I never understood that but my uncle died of alcholism and half of my family might die from it and it keeps me strong to never go that route. I don't know what happened to your boyfriend but my heart and tears do go out to you. I will pray to HP to give you what you need to make it through this hard time.
