The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know that I do not have it nearly as bad as most people on this board. I really don't live daily (phyically...that is) with my A son. He is still living with me but is gone most of the time. However, I am still struggling with the obsessive thoughts and worries when I don't hear from him. When I call his cell phone and he does not answer in the evening I start to worry about him. "is he ok?..." "is he in jail?"..."did he lose his phone...AGAIN?" "did he kill himself?"...it just goes on and on. Why would I think such horrible things? Why can I just not understand that he is an A and as someone posted earlier..."that is what A's do"
He knows that when I don't hear from him that I worry. Could he have just a teeney, weeney little bit of consideration to just pick up the phone and say..."mom...just wanted to let you know I'm ok...no need to worry about anything" Guess not! I don't know if it is possible for me to let it go completely. I love him and worry about him so much.
I have to pray to HP that he just give me a simple sign so I can stop worrying today.
One of the toughest lessons to learn from Alanon is detaching with love. Once you learn to do that, things become easier. Remember that an active addict is not thinking of other people, just themselves. Addiction is a selfish disease. I'm sorry this is so hard on you.
Try and keep the focus on you. Be good to yourself.
Live strong,
Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
So sorry for the pain you are feeling regarding your son... As a mother I can totally relate to your worry...afterall, he is your son....
Detaching with love is such a difficult task...you have to do that for yourself and your own sanity.
I will keep you and your son in my prayers....when in active addiction he can not see your pain...and is only concerned about himself and his addiction......that is just how awful this disease is....
I know exactly how you feel, as we've been down that path with our son. It finally got to the point that we had to ask him to move out. It was too stressful on the rest of the family. Even though we still worried about him, we at least had some peace. Plus we have two other teens at home and his disease was affecting them as well. Probably one of the hardest things we had to do as parents.....send him away. He had no car, no phone and no money. But we had to do it.
He is 20 and currently in a Teen Challenge program. It has been an awesome program for him one he has really embraced. We have seen such positive changes. He finally feels hope and peace and is communicating his feelings, fears, hopes, future dreams etc., something he rarely, if ever did in the past. He always used to stuff pain. Here he has had to face it head on and deal with it....not fun, but necessary. He did go to a traditional rehab program too, but that didn't have the impact this is having.
I will be keeping you and your son in my prayers.......I know your pain!
Hello Gaily i hope your planning n attending Al-Anon meetings for yourself you need support too. from people who understand how u feel and who can share their own experices with you.
and why can't he pick up the p hone and call ???? this is a very selfish disease and all they think about is getting their needs met rarley think of others (nature of the disease) It took my husb 3 yrs sober to understand just how much his behavior affected our lives while drinking.
Unfortunately "A"s are extremely self-centered most of the time, and don't accept that their actions affect us. He probably doesn't understand how you worry.
When you are starting to worry, can you call an alanon friend? Come to the chat room? Focus on you, that is important.
Keep coming back!
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
