The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When I first came to Alanon I was numb. All I wanted to do was learn how to get my AH to stop drinking. I wanted to control the situation. I have learned over the past while that I cannot do that. No one can control another’s actions. I was in the room talking to some people the other day and asked them “If your A (God forbid) had a different illness like a mental disorder or cancer would you try and control that?” The light bulb hit me and I knew that there was no way that I would try to control a different illness so why try to control this one.
For a long time I thought I could do this journey alone (with out a sponsor) wow was I ever wrong. I now have a wonderful sponsor that I trust totally and in the very short time that we have worked together, my life has changed. People have often said to me why don’t you just leave he is a drunk. I did consider it many times and I am very glad I didn’t. I started using the Alanon slogans with my A and he is actually starting to use them too. I think he sees a change in me and is starting to think that maybe he can change too.Yes, he is still drinking but I have come to realize that it’s his life not mine. I will support him if he chooses recovery and if not I now have the tools of Alanon to help me cope with his disease.
I recently received news from the Doctor that scared the he** out of me. I have to go for surgery; this could be minor surgery or major. It is unknown until I’m on the table. I was telling my sponsor about it and she told me that my HP wasn’t finished with me yet here. For some reason I really believe that. I believe that I am here for a purpose and that purpose is service work. So its all in my HP’s hands. All I can do is live by the Alanon way and work on keeping my newfound serenity.
I recently received news from the Doctor that scared the he** out of me. I have to go for surgery; this could be minor surgery or major. It is unknown until I’m on the table. I was telling my sponsor about it and she told me that my HP wasn’t finished with me yet here. For some reason I really believe that. I believe that I am here for a purpose and that purpose is service work. So its all in my HP’s hands. All I can do is live by the Alanon way and work on keeping my newfound serenity. Thank you all for being here. I love you all in a special way. Shadow -- Edited by shadow1 at 13:09, 2006-06-15 -- Edited by shadow1 at 13:11, 2006-06-15
shadow, u r in my sincere prayers.......and yeah, judging from this one beautiful post of urs, HP is not taking u home yet!!!!! prayers and blessings from rosie
Your sponsor sounds like a very wise person! I believe in my heart of hearts that you're not finished with your work here either. Dontcha just love lightbulb moments? Thanks for sharing your most recent one with us. I'll be thinking of you and praying that all goes well with your surgery.
I get the questions about leaving my "A" as well. I tend to let the question roll of my shoulders, my non-alanon friends love me just as much as my alanon friends, but they really don't understand me. Living with an active "A" is hard, but this program is great with the tools. There are always more to learn. Thank you for you ESH on that, it is great to be reminded that I am not the only person living with active addiction.
I will keep you in my prayers. Do you know when you are going in for surgery? There are so many people out there who have not yet heard your ESH or seen the great service that you help provide for this group, HP has got a plan for you.
Keep us posted.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Your sponser is right, you definately are not finished here yet!!! We have alot more laughing to do too Will keep you in my prayers and pray for a speedy recovery (((((((((((shadow)))))))))))))
kerry
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Life can only be understood backwards, But it must be lived forwards
I think once we get that, I mean really get it, we quit the whining, complaining and get off that pity pot..lol Which of course gives us the serenity we seek.
We come to a point where we just shrug and say "Oh well, it's not mine to deal with". What people do, what people say, how they act is just not our business. The only result in getting up in someone's grill is we end up unhappy within. After all the "poor me", we still haven't changed anything or anyone. I have stepped waaay back on getting involved in the actions of my adult children. My girls are fighting and I don't even know why. That's progress for me :)
One told the other "It won't do you any good to run to to Mom and b*tch because she always says "it's not her stuff". Woohoo!! they are getting it! I had to laugh when I heard that one..lol
Life is good and much less stressful when we see things as they truly are.
Take care ((hugs))) Christy
-- Edited by Christy at 15:11, 2006-06-28
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
and I knew that there was no way that I would try to control a different illness so why try to control this one.
Will keep you in my prayers and pray for a speedy recovery (((((((((((shadow)))))))))))))