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Hi gang, Some of u know my story, married to my A for 22 yrs, 3 kids, 21, 12, 5 1/2(autistic)before he met me , he was wired on heroin for yr, stopped that, went to alcohol, been alcoholic for over 20 yrs, past 3 months he started shooting cocaine grrrr.... almost on daily basis, hes wired just in 3 months, he lost 20 lbs in 2 months, looks like death, he was dx with hep c 4 yrs ago, hasnt checked liver etc since dx.today we went for interview at rehab, it was started by filling out questionaire, then went in room with other addicts, counceler explained the services they provided etc...then they had to go on computer answer more questions, we were 4th person there and they only had time to have evaluation with therapist for 1st 4 ppl, i thought great, he gets evaluated today....NOT!!!Before going on computer he asked, do i have time to make call to my employer, they said ya go ahead, so he comes back says i got time to do computer test but not for evaluation, my boss is going out of town for few days and hes leaving at 4pm so i won't have time to do evaluation, give my spot to somebody else grrrrr.I said never mind boss(i dont even believe boss said that btw)so they gave him another app for july 11, another friggin month, unless somebody cancels then they'll call him.plus then u have to wait 4-6 weeks before u get in treatment center, were talkin mid aug or end of aug, thats way too long......Then i found place that sends u to detox fast within few days then usually finds u a rehab and sends u directly there which would b great.I told him bout that, he says who said i'm going into detox, i said it would b much easier if u detoxed 1st then went inside to rehab and much faster, he said we'll c...so that was my day, when i got back i just went on my bed and cried i was so hurt, disappointed, frustrated, angry..Seems to me he's not ready,what do u think???
Until he makes his own app. gets himself there, and get on his program, no he is not ready. When we do the footwork, we are wasting our time. Plus we are taking away their job of doing it themselves.
Just becuz he does go in himself does not guarentee anything. He is still A. We have no control over that.
In alanon we learn to take care of ourselves and our other loved ones. NOT the A. They are an individual as we are, and deserve the dignity to make thier own decisions, be loved just how they are, and not enabled.
Trying to do their program for them is exausting for us. We have no control over them or their disease. All we can change is ourselves.
I have to say my work is not that flexible about anything so the boss could have said that. I also wonder how will he work and be in rehab is he going to take a leave of absence.
I fully understand the issue of being overinvolved, in fact I think over involved is my middle name. I am in withdrawal from that at the moment and I don't much know what to do with myself. I do know that over involvement for me personally caused tremendous resentment and obsession for me.
