The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
hi everyone, i just wanted to share whats going on with me and what im doing about it with what im learning in this program. well my a had a relapse with crack a week ago, sunk lower then low and started back with cocaine's anonymous meetings. he has been going everyday but thats about it. said he is going to find a sponsor soon. we will see. anyways last night he stopped at his dads to help him fix his shower (his dad is a paraplegic from a drunk/drugged driving incident a few years ago and is an alcoholic/drug addict) anyways so my a shows up there to his father who is totally drunk. all week his dad has been telling my a to come for a beer, have a beer, it wont kill you. time and time again my a has told him im not drinking anymore. we think with the brain damage his father forgets this. but what happens???sure enough my a takes one beer. thats all it was one beer and came home. tried to lie to me but hey im an anon i can smell booze a mile away. so he didnt get away with it. it hurts me that he lied and tried to get away with it he said it wont happen again. but how do you tell when an alcholic/addict lies? there lips move. so i gotta watch the footwork. this morning he gets up first saying he doesnt want to go to his meeting. i told him both you and i know you need to go right now. he raged this morning, throwing things being a jerk, how he gets when he's slipping. all i said was ok honey this raging helps neither of us. i hugged him, kissed him, told him i loved him and i will see him when he gets home. this program taught me to stay calm in this situation, accept he's craving, and detach with love. i never could have been so calm in the past in a situation like this. now will he come home? i dont know. did he even really go to his meeting, i dont know? but this will be a new post. take care everyone and i hope i gave an example of detaching with love that could help someone. bye for now
__________________
stay in the now...dont look forward, dont look back....your life is what you make of it
I have trouble putting the right words on actions still from the ptsd and troubles growing up in A surroundings and it still being active in most of my family. I LOVE the way you described it. Wonderfully. I feel for you that you are having to go thru this. Its no easy thing to have to learn to do and sounds as if you are getting it down great. I couldn't have made it as short as you did and to the point. I practice it too. Sometimes not as good as others, but progress all the time. Each accomplishment helps to feel the serenity in doing it like this. I am sooooo glad you posted it.And helps reinforce the positives in allowing it to be this way. I save alot of energy and feelings when I can do it like that. Please post some more on it, I'd love to read on how your experiences are.
Glad for you your accomplishing so much for yourself. Take care.
BLESSINGSPEACE
__________________
I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
I don't know about that ! sounds to me like u got off the roller coaster , this is his trip let him have it . Keep the focus on yorself just like your doing and you will be just fine . Love Louise
It's always about them. Even when we detach with love, it's about them. We still focus on how we are going to react or should I say NOT react. And is that even normal? No. We stifle our own rage to settle down theirs. I am new and I still have a lot of resentment toward him for destroying my family and ruining our lives. Am I supposed to just accept his illness? I'm having a very difficult time lately. I'm not able to sleep and I miss my old life. I miss having my children around me - we all had to move and go our separate ways.
I am sick and tired of worrying about how he might react, or how he's going to be from one day to the next, or comforting him, or encouraging him, or whatever it is he has to hear. And then my reactions are always questioned.
I feel so bad for leaving him but I know I had to do it for my sake and my daughter's sake. She's 16. My other three children are over 21. I'm trying to be strong and not cave whenever he is over. I want to shake him and tell him to straighten up, be a man, be a good father, be the husband he used to be.
Well at this stage after years I presume he lies all the time. I found myself having to deal with that recently. I have carved out a lot of separation but still not enough. There are still areas where we have commonalities. All I can do is to work on separating out those even more.
I have times with the A where I am trying to persuade him to do things still and I really resent those. I resent having to ask and as we all know the asking never seems to get answered. There are days when I just want to give up asking and days when his threats go on deaf ears.
I have to say for me it has been a gradual thing. I admire your ability to remain calm in the storm when the A is acting out. Staying centered has been hard for me, there are some days when I just get fed up with his antics and my own issues (because of course I feel totally unheard and unknown in my issues).
PEACE