The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was struck by yesterday's (October 15th) readings in the 4 CAL books.
Specifically, Courage to Change struck a cord with me, it's heavily underlined in my copy and bookmarked. The 'cutting the strings of resentment' is a very powerful metaphor and I contrast to where I was last year, when I was so caught up in resentment, guilt, grief, blame, doubt, hatred - indeed hatred. Now I'm over most of those feelings, although there is still bits of resentment that crop up. I reflect on how far I've come since last year, it's been 18 months since separating from the Q in my life and I'm only just coming out of the fog. I think there was quite a lot of trauma bonding I was thinking this morning. I detached quite early and teetered from enabling behaviour, preferring to completely detach and disengage.
I detached not with love but with resentment and the 'Poor Me's', I'm not at the stage for 'loving' and I don't think I ever will be - but that's OK.
I do understand that they have a disease and it must be terrible to afflicted with addiction - I used to smoke a lot and gave up (twice!) because the first thing I was doing, what I HAD to do was have a cigarette and a coffee, I realised I was basically addicted and decided that I had to stop, I didn't want to be addicted to a substance. I have sympathy and understanding, but I can't get over or forgive the actions of her behaviour on me, our daughter and the life I thought I had.
So the subject of healing and recovery is strong in today's (October 16th) readings.
Courage To Change (15th October):
The most loving form of detachment I have found has been forgiveness. Instead of thinking of it as an eraser to wipe anothers slate clean or a gavel that I pound to pronounce someone not guilty, I think of forgiveness as a scissors. I use it to cut the strings of resentment that bind me to a problem or a past hurt. By releasing resentment, I set myself free.
When I am consumed with negativity over another persons behavior, I have lost my focus. I neednt tolerate what I consider unacceptable, but wallowing in negativity will not alter the situation. If there is action to take, I am free to take it. Where I am powerless to change the situation, I will turn it over to my Higher Power. By truly letting go, I detach and forgive.
When my thoughts are full of bitterness, fear, self-pity, and dreams of revenge, there is little room for love or for the quiet voice of guidance within me. I am willing to love myself enough to admit that resentments hold me back, and then I can let them go.
Todays Reminder
Every time I try to tighten the noose of resentment around someones neck, I am really only choking myself. Today I will practice forgiveness instead.
A part of me wants to cling to old resentments, but I know that the more I forgive, the better my life works.
. . . In All Our Affairs
-- Edited by jitsuka on Friday 16th of October 2026 06:19:12 AM
Thank you so much for this great reading and your enlightenment as you progress. Always remember progress, not perfection.
At some point, some years ago, I realized that holding onto anger and resentment, was like a ball and chain attached to my ankle. I decided to follow the teachings of alanon instead. Im still working on full forgiveness for some, but Ive come a long way. Whether its my spouse, the alcoholic, or my brother who abused me in childhoodI am forgiving of these behaviors and I am free. I also think that holding onto negativity towards others , gives them power over me. Well the hell with that. I now am in charge of me. I havent forgotten any of it, but I know these people are sick. Im working on being healthier and happier. I dont want or need that ball and chain. I see that some forgiveness may come in slow increments, but I work on it. I deserve to be happy. I respect myself. Im trying to treat myself well in all areas of my life. PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION. :)
Thank you so much for this great reading and your enlightenment as you progress. Always remember progress, not perfection.
At some point, some years ago, I realized that holding onto anger and resentment, was like a ball and chain attached to my ankle. I decided to follow the teachings of alanon instead. Im still working on full forgiveness for some, but Ive come a long way. Whether its my spouse, the alcoholic, or my brother who abused me in childhoodI am forgiving of these behaviors and I am free. I also think that holding onto negativity towards others , gives them power over me. Well the hell with that. I now am in charge of me. I havent forgotten any of it, but I know these people are sick. Im working on being healthier and happier. I dont want or need that ball and chain. I see that some forgiveness may come in slow increments, but I work on it. I deserve to be happy. I respect myself. Im trying to treat myself well in all areas of my life. PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION. :)
So true, so so true.
To not hang onto resentment. To not let it cloud your judgement or thoughts or dictate your actions. To break that power the Q holds over you. To live your own life. To progress.
You are worthy of respect and to not be treated in such a manner, you have the right to happiness, peace and serenity.
By working my programme and minding MY business I am healing and working my recovery.
I'm a bit late to your post but it resonates right down to the ending a relationship timeline. I also stopped smoking and it's been 16 months so im pretty confident that's done.
I couldn't detach with love either. I detached with anger. I realise now that I may have gotten free of one alcoholic, but I'm not free of the disease. I still resent the heck out of my ex. Which is obviously problematic. That wonderful saying about swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die. I don't know how many times I have to start again but im willing to try. Thanks for the shares all.
-- Edited by WebHelper on Tuesday 3rd of November 2026 03:37:24 PM
I'm a bit late to your post but it resonates right down to the ending a relationship timeline. I also stopped smoking and it's been 16 months so im pretty confident that's done.
I couldn't detach with love either. I detached with anger. I realise now that I may have gotten free of one alcoholic, but I'm not free of the disease. I still resent the heck out of my ex. Which is obviously problematic. That wonderful saying about swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die. I don't know how many times I have to start again but im willing to try. Thanks for the shares all.
-- Edited by WebHelper on Tuesday 3rd of November 2026 03:37:24 PM
