The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I called A last night. He did not answer. So I left a voice mail.
"A" I am sorry I said hatefull things to you last night. ( I DID say some pretty fowl things, that were true, and felt good to release - but - not out of love, just out of desperation and anger ) I said those things out of being hurt, desperate, disappointed and angry. I am going to try to be gratefull. I prayed for God to bring you back into my life (after a 10 year separation) and He did. Even if it was only for a short time, I am going to be thankfull for the times that were genuine and comfortable. I dont think we are right for one another at all. I do love you I miss you.
That was it and he did not call so TODAY in this moment I feel relief.
I am focusing on being in healing and giving thanks to God for the strength and faith and will that He blesses me with.
I CAN love "A" and NOT be with him. I can love him and not be caught up in the disease. I can love him and move on with my life, always or maybe not after all, thinking of him and trying to remember him with a smile. Love thy neighbor....
I will be thinking of you today. Keep up the good work! You deserve a rich full life without chaos. I still love a former A...but I do not get involved with him. He is on his path to recovery and I am a reminder of his days as an addict and an A. I helped him get to rehab and he will always be grateful to me. But we cannot be together. Still it is ok. Time heals.
I do love my A, now and always, but I dont love what he is....and the disease has him and I just dont see that changing.
When we love someone we should not want to change them....there are many things about him I would change...his religious beliefs, his drinking, his friends, his political views, his sex drive....dont get it, why do I love him then.
hey jen, i am back after rest on weekend...........gonna respond to this post in "pieces" ok????????
jennneeefffurrr wrote:
I called A last night. He did not answer. So I left a voice mail. "A" I am sorry I said hatefull things to you last night. ( I DID say some pretty fowl things, that were true, and felt good to release - but - not out of love, just out of desperation and anger )
>>>>>>>>>>>ok, i am going to ask WHY did U call???? WHY do U need a "connection" with someone so toxic??? i see a hesitency to REALLY let go....when something is over, it is over....... unless u said some REAL bad things and felt amend was needed, i am puzzled as to the "why the phone call"......he will think, and correctly, that he still has ur power........ i can see the need to release, and maybe i would have done it with a letter.......what if he pickeed up the phone???? what then???? but if U feel better calling and leaving VM than ok, but if i were the A , i would think "ahhh i still got her jumpin....still got her thinking/ obsessing about me".....
I said those things out of being hurt, desperate, disappointed and angry. I am going to try to be gratefull. I prayed for God to bring you back into my life (after a 10 year separation) and He did. Even if it was only for a short time, I am going to be thankfull for the times that were genuine and comfortable.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>> i can relate....i have done it too..... well, i guess even guys like that can teach a lesson for which to be grateful for....but times that were comfortable??? Ii am trying to think WHEN i was comfortable with my "A" and my definition of comfortable THEN is like so diferent now....back then, a bed of nails was comfortable, i was THAT used to pain.....now??? its a serta mattress with a feather bed on top of it
I dont think we are right for one another at all. I do love you I miss you. That was it and he did not call so TODAY in this moment I feel relief.
>>>>>>>>>>>>> AMEN AMEN........what do u love and miss????? step 4 is in order i think here.........like missing an apendicitis...missing the pain????? but i was like this too, i can totally relate to what u r feeling, getting deeper in this program will help u love u and u wont' even LOOK at a guy liek this again..... i hope he does not call, but its not been enuf time to see what he does.........
I am focusing on being in healing and giving thanks to God for the strength and faith and will that He blesses me with. I CAN love "A" and NOT be with him. I can love him and not be caught up in the disease. I can love him and move on with my life, always or maybe not after all, thinking of him and trying to remember him with a smile. Love thy neighbor....
>>>>>>>>>>gr8....HEALING.....taking care of U...... and GRATITUDE to HP.....good recovery work........ yeah, i can love my Ex A, not the husband one, but the long term one...the husband?? he was MEAN...BAD spirited.....NO love for that......we are not obligated to love bad people.....sick ones??? yes....bad ones??? no...... and yes there are folks i had to give up do to the drinking /drugging that i LOVE, but i cannot be with them cuz they UNDERMINE my recovery..........and yes, NOT be caught up in the disease........i can LOVE the LESSONS i learned and the GROWTH i got as a result of this relatioship, .....and WHY even WANT to remember him???? when the lesson is learned, the lesson is learned , an occasional thinking/ remembering of him is normal, but not always ....like "letting GO is letting GO"....... when i walk away, i WALK Away...... my take on the "love thy neighbor" is i "love the lobeables" "let go the unloveables" "honour the honourables" "leave the no honourables".....even jesus said "pick up your pallet and leave" OR "shake the dirt of ur sandles and WALK away" even HE gave up on folks when there was NOTHING he could do with them......he "let go---detached" and he went about his business.....maybe looking back, but not staring at it..........
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>jen, if this made u feel better than it served its purpose.....my take???? now that u have purged ur spleen.......LET IT GO......the more u respond to him??? the more u give up ur power to him......folks like this guys seems to be, feed of that stuff.......cutting them OFF, is the only path to peace.............just my take, take what u can use and dump the rest ok?????? hugs and light from rosie
I hope you all have a wonderful MONDAY!!!!!!!!!! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO Jen-- Edited by jennneeefffurrr at 10:10, 2006-06-12
