The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've needed a break from thinking so I have not been here much. Kept busy with my readings and praying, I've had some small eye opening experiences.
#1 I still love my husband.
#2 I stayed at the house a few nights while he was here, I have seen how fast he has fallen. I've been gone roughly 4 weeks. I had not seen him drink in 10 years, he has I just had not seen it. He is a happy drunk, actually not bad to be around. He also consumes at minimum a case a day now plus whatever else he may use while out and about. He spasms in the morning until he gets enough alcohol in his system to stop them from happening. He admits he is an alcoholic and feels humiliated. I can see the disease, it doesn't make me mad anymore.
#3 I have not recieved the money to pay the mortgage, I get a little nervous. On the whole though i have been able to get used to the ides that we could lose the house instead of being able to sell it. I keep praying everyday for the serenity to accept whatever happens is for the best.
#4 I am here this weekend to pack and do repairs. This is painful and I am not sure where to begin.
#5 We talked of an agreement of him paying my rent for a year, neither of us dating and seeing what each of our lives were like then if it would be possible to reconcile. the idea is comforting except at this point with out seeing the check for the mortgage now I am only open to this with it paid in advance. The money part may sound a bit coldhearted but frankly it is a large fear of mine, it would allow him to pay back for some of the items he has sold of mine, and showme an effort on his part that he is capable of ... finances not emotions at this point.
#6 I'm OK and will be OK with whatever happens, I will have bad days and hopefully pay more attention to my good days.
#7 My brother said ... if you go back to him i am done no more help from me. i understand but still feel like poo on him, I help him unconditionally and no judging. It still stings my family seems so happy about this, I guess they should be. I am not happy about it and I wish they could respect that a little more.
LOL I think that is it for now. Probably be back crying my eyes out as I start sorting through my life here. Bear with me ... this too shall pass.
Sounds like you are trying to look out for yourself - good for you. As for sounding coldhearted - I think only people who have never really been left high and dry would think that. We know how hard it is with no security, never knowing what you will lose.
I bet your family is only worried about you, and wanting you to be far from a situation which hurts you. That's one thing about alanon - we understand how you can continue to love him, even after everything, becasue we do too. Doesn't mean you can't take care of yourself, though.
Myself, I don't depend on a person with a horrible disease for anything. For ME that is insanity.
I have only gotten my serenity when I really took responsibility for myself. I believe that is what the A needs to find too, to really know they can only help themselves.No one else can.
Maybe you can get your brother the book,"Getting Them Sober." He may understand better. I know it is hard, unless someone is in alanon they are not going to understand what makes us keep trying.
If they had cancer or any other disease they would wonder what was wrong with us for leaving.
Where to start. For me, I start in one room in one corner. I mean I do this even when I clean. I have learned over the years to stay in one room and finish, becuz it gives you a sense or accomplishment. You can see it. But if you go around like crazy, it does not look like you have done anything.
Right now routine and stability is important in as many things as you can muster. As your life is going in so many directions.
Of course you love him. He is a sick person you care about.
I don't believe any drunk is happy. But I know what you mean. For now he is a drunk who does not abuse.
Anyway I send you hugs and am glad you updated us. love,debilyn
Not sure how desperate you are financially at the moment but maybe you could make some arrangement with the lender(bank etc) to defer the payments or at least reduce them for a minimal time frame so you don't lose the house. The implications if your name is on the deed and you don't make the payments may come back to haunt you later at some time. Don't get too overwhelmed by it all. Just take one day at a time but make the decisions as if you were a single person because you may not be able to rely on his committment financially for much longer. Your family love you and want only the best for you but because they have not lived with this they cannot fully understand your emotional attachment and how hard it is to break it. Remember that we are here for you anytime and keep posting so we know how you are doing. Luv Leo xx
