"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

suzydawn · Member

Hmmm, tell me again

Andrea12 · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Suzy,

Please keep coming back....it will begin to make sense...you will be happy to be here.

Andrea

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Everyone's tolerance for "what is a problem and what is not" is different, but here is my opinion on your question....

I don't think it is "normal" for people to get drunk often.... I think some so-called normal people might get drunk once in awhile, but not on a regular basis, and definitely not on a 'planned regular basis'...

DUI's...

One would indicate a mistake at least, and re-examine the situation

Two would indicate a problem, and healthy people would take drastic steps to change behaviors

Three would indicate a serious problem, that has escalated far beyond what the person is obviously capable of dealing with him or herself, and needs others (i.e. recovery, counselling, etc) to intervene...

Four is ridiculous, and indicates to me that this person does indeed have a serious problem that is NOT being dealt with.

Just my opinion

Tom

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Suzi , it really dosen'tmatter how much he drinks or how often what matters is how it affects you when he does. Al-Anon will help sort out your feelings . This program is for you . Only he knows if he is an alcoholic. If it bothers you Al-Anon will help. Louise

suzydawn · Member

Thanks to everyone that replied!

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Phone number is 1-888-425-2666

Alanon meetings 800-351-9996

Alanon literature Worldwide 888-425-2666

Alanon meeting info. 800-433-7266 AA info.

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.
post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· Set support system. people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

jennneeefffurrr · Senior Member

I completely agree with Tom...and I think you should set your boundaries, I never did with my A, he is gone now BUT it sure would have -maybe- helped us out to have REAL workable reasonable boundaries.

I was told recently about the "stages" of alcoholism, my A is considered in the "late" stage and HE doesnt drink EVERY day - but he make sure he drinks of course. He got sober for a long while, several months, his Dad got ill and was dying he went back to booze. Then we got together, again after 10 years (long romantic sad story), I dicovered and he readily admitted he was a drunk, then I broke it off, lasted 3 whole days, then he got sober again - his birthday came and so did the loser bum friends and well, so did the booze.

We have been apart "detaching" for a month now and it is HORRIBLE but it does get better and YOU can recover if you really pay attention and open your mind and way of thinking to what others suggest here...saved my sanity, well still working on that being fully restored!

Blessings

JEN

hightide · Member

My opinion on this is: If someone is trying to stop drinking then that includes the weekends. They have to abstain from alcohol completely. However, if someone is used to drinking everyday, and cuts down to weekends only, I still think they should stop completely, but at least it's not as much as it used to be.

Keep focusing on you and working your program, and let him work on his. I've been working my programs for a little over a year now, and I can say from my own experience that when I started getting better, my h/a started to improve.

Hightide

Karilynn · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((((((((Suzy)))))))))))))),

I think Tom said it best. I remember my hubby in college would cut loose on the weekends. A lot of college kids did. The trouble was that he is an ACOA (adult child of an alcoholic) despite the fact that Dad has huge amounts of sobriety behind him. The ground work was already there for his potential for him to become an alcoholic. Not all alcohoics drink everyday or in the same way. Some go on weekend binges, some everyday, some once a month. But if affects their life: ie work, driving, family on a regular basis says to me this isn't a casual thing.

The fact that this bothers you and you are here is a good sign. The more you gain knowledge from here, face-to-face meetings, readings the better off your are. You must not loose yourself in their disease. Your recovery has to be about you, regardless if your boyfriend choose recovery or not. If not you will become just as sick, if not sicker than they are. It happens all the time. You are in the right place. Keep coming back to us.

Live strong,

Karilynn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"