The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night was horrible, my husband and I fought he left then came back and proceeded to drink.. Telling me he was going to get as far as he could away from me, that he is done living like this and blabla bla... I didnt attend that fignt ( thanks to the advise of a friend who said we dont have to attend every fight ) .. He was awake all night roaming the house then actually climbed in bed with my son not knowing where he was.. He was drunk out of his mind or high or maybe even both.. Anyway, he roamed the house dumping my suitcase out, spilling stuff all over the kitchen before finally coming to bed at about 5:30 leaving the front door open as well as the door to the camper. All day no word, not one I thought he would be gone but nope still here. Now tonight, i came home to find out that he is helping a woman ( a firefighters widow ) with her house. I just broke down... All day i hoped he would be gone when i got home, now .. I get here and he told my daughter that he would be home tonight and would leave tomorrow morning. Why does this hurt so much ? Every vacation was HORRIBLE, fighting drinking, now this ... I wanted him to leave, i had a plan B .. I am angry at him that he would worry about fixing someone else's destruction when our lives are such a MESS... It makes me FURIOUS .. 19 years together and we are getting ready to seperate and all he wants to do is HELP his buddies look like hero's..
I am so angry, hurt, dissapointed and confused.. I know that this is really what has to happen but it doesnt make it hurt less does it ...
He probably feels like crap about himself, even though he won't admit it. Maybe he isn't even aware. But helping someone else makes him feel good.
You said every vacation has been horrible.. Is not having another so bad? This vacation is going to be what you make it. Make your own reality. It can be spent looking back and rehashing, or living in the moment and enjoying your children and your time away.
If you can keep focused, I think you'll have a wonderful time. You know, all that stuff is going to be waiting for you when you get home. Just for now, let it go, be someone without a care in the world while you're on vacation. Be free of all the things you are leaving behind. Make some memories with your kids that they will hold on to.
You know, I think what we really miss is the fairy tale we have created in our heads. What we would like our marriages to be. It isn't real. And we grieve for it. So in essence, we grieve for an illusion that we have created.
Now there's some food for thought..lol
p.s. good job on not attending the fight *wink*
Keep coming back :) Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I am very proud that you did not attend the fight, GOOD WORK!!!!!
Can you and the kids still go on vacation?
The chaos in your house sounds awful, my heart goes out to you.
Can your husband take the camper and live in a campground for awhile while the family recovers from his abuse? My co-worker lived in his camper for a few weeks after he left his wife. My brother-in-law in their camper when my sil told him to leave.
I am so sorry that it is so bad right now.
You and your family are in my strong prayers
ODAT, take things as you can handle them. The crisis will pass...and the pain
In support and with love
Megan
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
I remember all the plan B's C's D's etc and the best one that worked was just keep coming back and go to as many face to face meetings while letting the other stuff go for now. It worked!!
I didn't cause it, I couldn't control it and certainly couldn't cure it so letting go of it for moments after moments and hanging with recovering people was the very best suggestion I could take. Al-Anon was the very best plan B that was ever given to me. I have a HP to thank for it.
Good for you for not attending the fight. Aren't they just always on a mission? Needed here, told someone I would help them there, and ignore their own family. It is their reality. Go figure. Christy made a good point about the illusion of the marriage we wanted. Take very good care of yourself and don't take everything that he does personally. Can you at least go on a mini-vacation even if it is only in your head?
