The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am trying to work on channeling my energy rather than having all my energy go into dysfunction.
Last night the A's mother dropped by just at dinner time. He of course ran off with her for an hour or so. Normally I would be obsessed with rage, resentment and disorder. I am working super hard on letting go.
Claudia Black whose thoughts on recovery I like makes a suggestion of working at letting things go as a dicipline. If anything the A's mother is a good focal point. She is rude, narcisstic and specializes in wedging between us. I have said nothing about his detour just when dinner was to be served. I know if I did that to him I would never hear the end of it. But of course it was his mother.
I also have some difficult things to attend to where I may or may not suceed. In addition I am in job hunt mode which is never easy and I need to put a lot of time into it. I have other goals but that is a big one and one that requires my focus.
So for me rather than seethe in resenment over what I can't control (his mother's behavior being one of them) I am working to channel my anxiety and my anger and my fear into taking actions. I am also taking time out's. I try not to act out of reactivity. Sometimes with the A in particular it is so so key to say nothing. To just shut my mouth and say nothing.
It is soo hard isn't it. Some days I just don't succeed. Some days I do, but still have some bitterness about it, and some days I really do it. Obviously the days I can really turn it off are better.
Good luck on the job hunting. That is an extra layer of stress I am blessed not to be dealing with right now. The right thing will turn up if you keep at it I am sure.
Take care of you! You are doing great!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Been there !!!! the ONLY communication between me & my A is in notes and letters. It is so hard living this way. Drives me crazy - when I try to talk with him I get 1 word answers or there is a big fight. Mine controls all them $$ and wont give me any for food or Meds. I have Fibromyalgoa and Chronic Depression ! I am SO tired too. I tried working but had to quit because of the ain was TOO MUCH... Government agaencies wont help till I leave... How do I leave with NO $$ or place to go ???? Vicious circle being with an A. I am a recovering A for almost 5 years and still dont understand !!!!
Good Luck in the job hunt. Take care & keep soming back
