The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Heyas. It's Mel. Good to see you all. Things are good, I work as a counsellor now and I'm doing OK. I won a bunch of prizes for writing this last year, and wrote 2 novels. Feeling pretty good. My brother Jimmy is in bad shape. He wants to come and live with me. He's 40, I'm 49. My parents are still stuck in denial, they enable him. Its exhausting. They don't listen. My other brother Pete is in France, he's a recovering alcoholic. He got sober and got a phd, and he was so good, they asked him to move to france to be a research scientist. I'm so proud of him. He visited recently as our mother has cancer. God it was good to see him. If you knew him, if you'd seen him as he was, vomiting, useless, he took out all of the windows at our parents house with a golf club in a drunken rage. From that to research scientist in Paris. Hell yes. Hell yes. We dont talk about how he was. What matters is he's sober and awesome. My daughter, Phoebe, has also finished university. She has been on tv a bunch of times, advocating for disabled people. She was our regional junior member for what they call youth parliament, which is where they let a couple of smart kids sit in with our parliament and they get to write a policy and submit it for approval. Her policy was about making public transport free for kids. It got in and that's a thing we have now. Go kid go. I'm doing ok, worried about jimmy and also sick of him. You all know how it feels. I love him but also sometimes wish he'd just die and leave us be. He adores me so I'm the person who gets the 3am calls. He never makes any sense. He blames our parents for everything, he has no self awareness. He'll be 40 soon. I'll be 50. My parents took me on a really grand holiday as an early 50th present. It was lovely. They wont take Jimmy anywhere. I think they are so sick of him they literally wish he'd die. Sometimes I do too. I hate him and love him in equal measure. Pete and I have told them, kick him out, let him feel consequences. They don't listen. Maybe I should take him, I'm harder than they are but what if he turns on me. I know he will. He's incapable of self reflection. Agh Good to see you all anyway
I realized something when sitting in a meeting several months ago. Even though I read Step 1 hundreds of times. It was what Step 1 really means. Im powerless over ALCOHOL and my life has become unmanageable. I have no control or does my brother over alcohol.
I found my self resenting him for years then realized its alcohol Im angry with, and because of the change I have compassion for him.
I recently had the opportunity to take my brother in also, but after praying about it I decided not too. Hes a grown man and has to make his own choices now.
He can either live on the street or go into Salvation Army to there recovery program for men. I just dont want the disease in my home. Its affected me a lot as I watched three brothers destroy their lives over it, and now my little sister is drinking a lot.
I can only by the Grace of God is pray for him. It would be the most unhealthest thing for ME to do by bringing him into my home. TODAY, I TAKE CARE OF ME IN WHAT DENISE WANTS. For so many years it was the other way around and eventually got mentally sick, being diagnosed with complex PTSD.
This is a disease that just doesnt affect the alcoholic but very much indeed the family. Good Luck and focus on you and your recovery.
Thanks Denise. I think it would be the worst thing in the world for me to take on Jimmy. But then part of me thinks...what if...
It's the what if that gets you every time isn't it.
