engaged to an active alcoholic- HELP - Al-Anon Family Group

patrice · Newbie

engaged to an active alcoholic- HELP

Becky1 · ~*Service Worker*~

(((patrice)))) glad to meet you.Glad you found this!

1) I stay because the good times outweigh the bad. We have been thru some terrible times together, abuse, the law involved, etc. We have split up a few times (his choice, not mine). But, I truly love him. He is my 5th husband, and the only one I've wanted to stay with. My longest marriage lasted 6 years, and that's because that one was an over the road trucker, and gone 98% of the time. I make the decision to stay, however, one day at a time. We have been together since 1997, and were together in 1986-1988. Married in 2000.

2) The only way I can stay is by taking care of myself. Last year I wanted to die. I had lost myself in his disease. I have to get well, myself. One Day at a Time. If I look at a lifetime of this, I don't think I can handle it. But, I am happier with him, than without him. I can not do this without HP, and Alanon. It is too much for most of us! I stay because I remember the good man that is under the influence, and sometimes I still see that man. Also, I stay, because I know full well, that if I did leave, I would miss him terribly, and I would just go out and find another A. That is what is messed up about me, I am attracted to them! Blah! No, truly, I love him and it is the only time I believe I have "been in love". Only you can decide that.

3)For me, I don't talk to my husband about his drinking. If he gets mouthy, I leave, or go to bed. I do something every day that I love. I try to be kind. I remind myself that it is a disease. He is responsible for his own life, and I am responsible for mine.

I am pretty new to Alanon, but this board and chatroom literally saved my life a couple of times. You will find understanding here. And try to go to a "real" meeting. Read "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews, if you haven't already. There is a website by the same name. Get as much information as you can. You do not have to make a decision today. You will knowwhen it is time to go or stay. No one can tell you that.

Try to keep some $$$ of your own, put away. I think that is good advice for anyone. You never know when the situation will change, and you need to be prepared.

Keep coming back.

Love in Recovery,

Becky1

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Phone number is 1-888-425-2666

Alanon meetings 800-351-9996

Alanon literature Worldwide 888-425-2666

Alanon meeting info. 800-433-7266 AA info.

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.
post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· Set support system. people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.