Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Drug Abuser Dad gives pills to son
Post Info TOPIC: Drug Abuser Dad gives pills to son
patience


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 22
Date:
Drug Abuser Dad gives pills to son
Permalink  

Somebody please tell me I am not crazy. Giving pills like Vicodine, Valiums, Oxyconton (sp?) to your son, age 25, is just sick. My husband has a back injury and abuses his medication to the point that he's throwing up while driving or sometimes in the middle of a meal and can only make it to the kitchen sink. My husband gives my son these pills so that my son won't buy drugs off the street and get caught and get thrown in jail. My son has a history of drug abuse. He already has a felony. My son went thru a divorce that we paid for, sold our home for, and has lost his car and job due to crack. He sometimes admits he does it but then other times he says he doesn't. My son was living with us and my husband kept giving him pills. That's all that was talked about. Pills. All our money went for pills. My husband would go to different doctors and pay cash so it wouldn't go thru insurance. I hate drugs. I don't drink either. I am a teacher and a writer. I am a Christian and know all of this is wrong. I was tortured mentally about leaving, but I did finally leave earlier this year. I had gone into the hospital on Christmas Eve with congestive heart failure due to stress and my husband didn't even come to the hospital. He said he had to work and that was what paid for my medical needs. He said he was doing the responsible thing. I was so angry and upset. Then he became more angry until I shut up. It took me a few weeks, but I finally got an apartment with my teenage daughter and we are safe. I hope this board will help me find some friends who know the agony I've been thru. He sees me often and wants to move in with me but I won't let him. He knows he has to stop abusing pills and most importantly - he has to stop giving pills to my son. Today I learned that he is giving vicodine to my other son, too. He's 22. I feel like my whole life has been a mockery. I was a good mother, a Christian mom, I worked hard, kept my house clean, and played with my children. I truly listened to my kids. I guess love is not enough.


Of course, I can't tell any of my teacher friends about my problems. It is shameful. I hope to find some friends here.



__________________
Let go and let God.
doxie


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 465
Date:
Permalink  

HI patience,


I am glad you found us. Welcome.


You problems are not shameful, please don't think that. You have come to a safe place to discuss all this.


I really relate to what you are going through.


Doxie


 


 


 



__________________
isabela40


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 359
Date:
Permalink  

((((((((((((((((patience)))))))))))))))))))))


First of all let me say how happy I am that you and your daughter are now safe...


Then, I agree with Doxie, what has happened in your family is not shameful to you!


Like you said, you are good Mom, teacher, writer, and christian.  You were good Mom AND set good example...what more could you do with adult children?


It is a tough world we live in and adult children make their own choices about how they are going to deal with adult problems.  Some turn to addiction to cope.  That does not mean it is the parents fault.


Even despite horrible stress and pain you are still good Mom, not being a part of that sick environment in your home where drugs flourish and are passed between family members.


Take comfort in the fact that you are keeping your sanity...once again setting a good example for your sons that a healthy drug free life IS possible.  And you are also providing a safe haven for them if they ever want to get help.  They know that to turn to you for support is a safe and healthy thing to do since you are no part of the dysfunction. 


Now they have two paths they can take, follow drug addict Dad which they are doing now, or get help and follow Mom's healthy living path.  You are good Mom to show them the way.


People understand more than you know...


Just like you live with this and still function at work, others may too...it is more common than you know.


I hope your health continues to improve in your new safe environment with your daughter.


Much Love,


Isabela



__________________
Diva


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2188
Date:
Permalink  

Welcome to MIP patience. I cannot imagine the agony you must be suffering over this awful situation. My prayers are with you and your sons. Please come back here often where you will find understanding people who listen and understand.

Diva

__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
greta


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 174
Date:
Permalink  

((((((patience))) <---cyber hug


Your story sounds so similar to mine, my ex gave meth to my 20 something son.  I guess he felt he was sharing with his best buddy.  I too thought it was shameful and a reflection on me.  Thank god I found this web site to help me out.  Stop by the chatroom you will find others who are dealing with the same problems you are.  We have online meetings there too.  It really helps to not feel so alone.  Welcome home!! You will find alot of wonderful people here!


Carol 



__________________
Andrea12


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1263
Date:
Permalink  

((((((((Patience))))))))))))

I totally relate to you, my hub also abuses pain pills, alcohol, and in the past few months any drug he can get his hands on.....

You have nothing to be ashamed about, I understand how you feel, as I have felt the shame of it all also.

We can not be responsible for another persons actions, I live in a small community where everyone knows everyones business.....

Please go easy on yourself.....keep coming back...and please join our meetings as you will find much love and compassion there.

Best Wishes,
Andrea

__________________
Tomorrow is not a guarantee enjoy today
Miranda


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 35
Date:
Permalink  

Hi Patience, and welcome.


I can totally relate to what you are saying. My father used to give me his prescription pills for minor aches and pains. He was addicted to them, and seemed to think it was fine to force me to take them as well. I however was only 10, 11, 12, 13, 14.


I hope you keep coming to the site, and let me know if I can be of help.


Mira



__________________
I've released with love, but he won't go away!
debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3131
Date:
Permalink  

That took a lot of courage to leave.


I find myself wanting to say I completely believe you about being a good mom and wife. The disease of aism makes a mess of everything.


It really is awful your boys are being enabled by their own father. That would be a real hard one, to not try to stop. I know they are both over 21 in time, but in maturity, since they use, they are much younger.


I worked as a special Ed tutor for many years. I know it must have been very hard to go to work and try not to show the pain you felt. Being a teacher you have to be so on all the time ,and not show how "you" feel as it is all about the kids.


I hope you find what you need here. It has saved me so many times from so many things.


My A is my husband too, it was always hard hearing about others husbands, they got flowers at work etc. I did at first but my A relapsed after years of sobriety on a strong program duing a brain surgery.


It helped me to lighten up when A was not around. I learned to have fun and not always feel so heavy with sadness.


Good for you not allowing him to move in.


As long as I have been in alanon, I tell ya, not trying to stop him from killing my kids, would be a hard one.


You are much stronger than I would be.  My kids are 31 and almost 30 now. I have four grandkids, one just 11 weeks old. My little Sprout. 


Thank goodness I hustled my son off to Survival school when he was being a jerk with drugs. He has been clean since and very much an outdoorsman. Loves his dog, a mastiff/newfy I gave him.


My daughter was never into drugs.


Anyway I have some land in Oregon and have an animal sanctuary. It keeps me busy and happy. Doesn't allow me to go too far down. (c:


Glad you are here. Will be wonderful to get to know you better. Welcome.


love,debilyn



__________________

"If wishes were wings,piggys would fly."
<(*@*)>
nycbt


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 810
Date:
Permalink  

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.


 


World Service Organization Website –


WWW.al-anon.alateen.org


Phone number is 1-888-425-2666


Alanon meetings 800-351-9996


Alanon literature Worldwide 888-425-2666


Alanon meeting info. 800-433-7266 AA info.


Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html 


Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.



  • Go face to face meeting & online meeting.

  • post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

·        Set support system.  people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.



  • Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.


 

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

__________________
Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Drug Abuser Dad gives pills to son