The material presented
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Hello everybody. I'm so grateful that this message board is here to allow me to vent! My birthday is on Monday- the first one since my mother died. I feel so alone. I'm throwing a party tomorrow night to 'celebrate' with my friends, but have no energy to shop for it. I am filled with dread that nobody in my family will call me on Monday- none of them has even asked me if I want something special for a present. They are all alcoholics or dry drunks and have hardly been there for me since my mother died. It makes me so angry because it makes me feel like a three year old. I know that somehow I will get it together to put the party together tomorrow..... but thanks for letting me vent all the same!!
I hope you can enjoy the day, enjoy your friends and cherish the time with them and just make it miamiave day!.
Unfortunately, if your relatives have never paid attention to your B-days, they probably won't start now. Then again, you may be pleasantly surprised :)
Try not to make a happy time depend on them. That's where we always run in to trouble, when we depend on others to make us happy. It has to come from within.
Take care sweetie Have a wonderful birthday Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I can definitely empathise with the kind of rawness one has when one has lost a mother (who was not really a mother). One of my best friends who thinks she will be celebrating when her own mother dies, is still aghast that I was upset. I have given up explaining to her why. Needless to say it created a huge rift for a long long time between me.
I can understand the grief is heavy. I can also understand that an action like your mother dying reignites grief at a neglectful family. I have been working through that for 3 something years now since my mother died. I froze for a few years too. I think its so admirable you are showing up for your process. I wish I had had a group to come to when my mother died. I know it would have helped me tremendously.
hi Miami - Been there, too. It was helpful for me to remember my loss was also my family members' loss. That helped me not to expect them to come through for me. I could tell my friends oh Mother's day is coming up and I'm going to need some distractions this year or similar days. The other thing that was helpful for me was on gift giving days to either buy myself something ahead and "deem" it to be from my Mom or Dad, or to pull out a favorite gift they had given me. It helped me remember their love and kindness to me (despite alcoholism they tried -- it comforts me to remember they did the best they could). I'm a grown-up now most of the time, and I can fill in what is missing. You know I can't replace them and their love and what I miss and what I never got but always wanted, etc., but I can love myself and I can practice self-care. Alanon helps me with that so much. So treat yourself as you've always wanted to be treated and have your first great birthday on Monday. --- Jill
