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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> thanks & more questions
Post Info TOPIC: thanks & more questions
suzydawn


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thanks & more questions
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Thanks to those that responded to my first post.  I will keep coming back here & check out a meeting.  Although, I feel very nervous allowing my BF to know that I'm going to meetings . . .  I constantly ask myself if I'm just creating the problem . . . I've had a few friends tell me that it's not that big a deal if he is only drinking on the weekends.  But, when I look at his hx he has had a huge amount of legal troubles related to his past "weekend" drinking.  When I first started seeing him about 4yrs ago he wasn't drinking . . . what I didn't realize was that he was just waiting to be off home detention (hmmm.. I wonder if he'll start smoking pot again once he gets off probation).  What I don't have answers for is why a professional woman with good self-esteem and many outside interest would hook up with someone on home detention, a 40yr man living with his mother, never married and no kids.  I would tell others when they questioned my judgement that it sounds bad but he is really a great person and has a very good family.  Anyway, after reading a few other post I now have more questons.  I see that twinmom works in the child protection field . . . do you have any idea if CPS would get involved if BF were found driving with our 2month considering that he does not have a DL????  Also, does anyone know what would happen to my vehicle if he were stopped without a DL?  He takes my vehicle fairly often . . . is this enabling since I don't stop him?  He doesn't have a DL as a result of his drinking so am I enabling him to ignore the consequences of his actions???  What I have told him . . .& only once is that I don't think he should drive but he has to make his own decisions & that he should realize that getting caught driving without a license is an automatic 3 months in jail.  Also, (we leave the city and go to the country - my home town- on the weekends) I'm the one driving & I always stop at the liquor store at his request . . . is this enabling?  I stop because I think it needs to be his decision to not buy alcohol not mine . . he would find some other way to get back in town to buy it anyway . . . plus I don't really want to argue with him about it.  OK . . .I'm looking at the length of this post & see that I better stop here.  OHHH...btw... has anyone read Lost Weekend?  I saw it referenced in a textbook on addictions.  Thanks, Suzydawn

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nycbt


~*Service Worker*~

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RE: thanks & more questions
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Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.


 


World Service Organization Website –


WWW.al-anon.alateen.org


Phone number is 1-888-425-2666


Alanon meetings 800-351-9996


Alanon literature Worldwide 888-425-2666


Alanon meeting info. 800-433-7266 AA info.


Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html 


Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.



  • Go face to face meeting & online meeting.

  • post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

·        Set support system.  people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.



  • Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.


 

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
Christy


~*Service Worker*~

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RE: thanks & more questions
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Hi suzy...

I can't answer your question about CPS, but you can be assured if he get stopped with the baby in the car and went to jail someone in law enforcement would be involved with the well being of your child.


what would happen to my vehicle if he were stopped without a DL?
It would be impunded as soon as they ran the check on him and found his priors.

He doesn't have a DL as a result of his drinking so am I enabling him to ignore the consequences of his actions???
In my opinion, Yes, he has no consequences this way.

I'm the one driving & I always stop at the liquor store at his request . . . is this enabling?
Yes, that's certainly enabling. Even if he finds another way to get it, at least it wasn't YOU that made it happen. In doing so you are basicly saying it's OK with you.

plus I don't really want to argue with him about it.
You don't have to argue. If you set the boundary not to help him drink in any way, then that's it!
You can simply refuse to attend the fight.

This link may enlighten you a bit more..

Enabling

Keep coming back
Christy

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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them.  And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Rita G


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1491
Date:
RE: thanks & more questions
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Suzydawn,


I also would suggest that if you get to that Al-Anon meeting that you ask for some literature on enabling, detachment and boundaries.  It might seem a little overwhelming at first, but just breathe, One day at a time, sometimes One hour at a time.


Read the literature, listen to speaker tapes, read the post on this web site, find safe, healthy friends in recovery to talk to, You are not alone.


Keep Coming Back,


Rita


 



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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK - teamwork.gif
suzydawn


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 24
Date:
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Thanks for the replies.  You're right . . . I don't have to attend the fight - which makes me reconsider my feelings.  I think what I really wanted to avoid was him being upset with me . . . but that's not my problem either.  I have a long work day ahead and will be away from my computer this weekend.  I wish everyone a wonderful weekend.  Thanks for making me feel so welcome.


 



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