The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my mil and i used to be very close. i really respected her. liked her, loved her. but as the disease progressed with my h it also progressed with the family. she had gone to alanon many times in the past. it just never stuck. but when my marriage blew up 3 years ago the entire family dumped me and the kids, closed ranks around my ah. after all, he was ready to party again and they were thrilled. until his addiction got "out of control" and they got tired of dealing with him. he and i patched things up and he had nothing to do with them for the last 3 years. for his own recovery he couldn't be around them. they invited me back into the family as if i had done something wrong and was being forgiven. how gracious!! but i did get to a point where i detatched with love. when i would think of them it was without hate. but i did not want any part of them for my own recovery. long story short my sil is a student of mine and it is recital time so i will have to deal with these people that have again rescued my h and helped him to abandon our kids. i have alot of resentment towards them all but most towards my mil as she knows about this disease and has been to alanon alot in the past. it is silly stupid things that get me. my 2 oldest and i saw her tonight. she said nothing to me which is the way i wanted it. but she slips the kids her card and tells them to call her. she does this every chance she gets. they are 11 and 7 and have no idea what the entire story is. why the hell can't she, being the grown up, call them? i never ever said that she couldn't see them or have contact with them. i have been completly civil up to now. and before now she could have contacted them thru my ah. logically i know she is just sick. but she recently became a SPIRITUAL HEALER and SHAMAN. she is a 52 year lady white lady from upstate. don't get me wrong, anyone else i would think"how awsome" but obviously i have issues--with her. so, being that she attended a school to become these wonderful things she can't seem to pratice her principles in all her affairs! i know that she has taken my ah to a sweat lodge and has him all all sorts of vitamins and herbs insted of traditional meds. he tried this route years ago. didn't work obviously. the ones who are truly suffering because of all of her "help" are our children. he was so close to being totally alone and having to do it this time by himself and then she swoops in and rescuses him again. i am so filled with loathing towards her. i don't know what tomarrow will bring. i sure as hell refuse to let this get to me. i will not give her the importance or power. i will keep moving forward. sometimes though, i stall out. i get stuck. difference is that now i know what not to do. thanks y'all. needed to vent. anyone with esh on mil's?
OMG hold me back. lol lol. Now I know why mil is a BAAAAAD word. crimany.
yes I relate a million %. And I just plain detach. I don't like her, she is evil and phoney, manipulative, a liar... do you get I don't like her?
YOU take care of you and love you and those kids. To heck with his a family. oops that is advice.
I would say, for me, eh hmmm I cut them off a loooong time ago. Came back and was shunned again. Thank goodness becuz if they liked me, I would wonder what is wrong with me???
What do light and darkness have in common????
Ya know I have not heard of a family of the A that does like the dil. Is there any? I mean a clean non using dil?
Hon you have done nothing wrong. They are co dependant on the A. How would it look if they blamed their "own" for the mess. It is easier to blame you. One thing I notice too, the dil is always mentally ill. Not that the A is abusive, does not pay bills, lies, does not come home, is completely controlled by his disease...nope the dil is depressed, biploar, psychotic...yep yep.
They don't deserve you lady. I sure did not allow my kids to be around them after I got the R order on A.
Just hit a nerve with me. can you tell? smiling here. be glad they don't like you and we do.
My first thought on your note comcerned the upcoming recital. You are there for your STUDENt..NOT FOR HER FAMILY. jUT DO YOUR JOB AND BE GRACIOUS. i'D GRIT MY TEETH AND TREAT THEM AS IF THEY WERE THE FAMILY OF ANY STUDENT OF MINE.
yOU AHVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF...they ARE THE ONES WITH THE PROBLEM IF THEY ARE TREATING you AS IF you DID SOMETHING WRONG.
(sorry about the cap lock)
My MIL is long gone but she was somethign else too! SHe married her hubby, an alkie 4 times. He'd beat her up, she'd divorce him and then re-marry him. He once pushed her down the basement steps and killed the ytwins she was 8 months pregnant with and she STILL took him back. Then when her precious SON becamse and alkie, she blamed ME for not getting him to stop. She told me I was not much of a woman if I could not keep him home. She even stopped so low as to go out partying wiht his old girlfreinds, call our home and ask for him, then put the girlfriend on the phone to ask him to come and meet them at the bar. We lived with her for abotu a month when we first married. When we moved out to our own apartment, she stole my clothes and hid them for herself. Think of my surprise when I found my new coat behind the refrigerator and several of my nice outfits between the matress and box springs.
Be lucky you have her out of your life. You and your kids dont deserve to be aorund that.
I had one too. She is passed now. She was a whipper snapper.
As you all know...my A son is living with me. I absolutely love my dil and am very close to her. I know she was nothing but wonderful to my son. I miss her so much!!! She calls me every morning while we are both on our way to work. I look forward to those calls. She has been alot of support for me and I think I have been for her. I feel like I have lost a daughter. It hurts so bad! I have spent my whole adult life hoping that my son would not inherit his bio father's disease. It has happened and now I just need to work this program to be able to deal with all the pain.
So....yes there are some mother in laws out there that love and support their dil in their pain.
